Handguns - UK vs. USA

I was over in England. Anyone here ever been to England who can verify something for me? No one has handguns in England, not even the cops. True or false? *audience: True.* True. Now, in England last year, they had 14 deaths from handguns. 14. Probably American tourists. United States, I think you know how we feel about handguns. Ooh, I'm getting a warm, sticky feeling just thinking about 'em. 27,000 deaths from handguns. Let's go through those numbers again. They're a little baffling at first glance. England, where no one has handguns - 14 deaths. United States, and I think you know how wе feel about guns. Whoop! I'm getting a stiffy. 27,000 deaths from handguns. England, no guns - 14 deaths. Unitеd States - 27,000. But there's no connection. And you'd be a fool and a communist to make one.

Okay, admittedly, in England last year, they had 27,000 deaths per soccer game. Alright... Hey, I'm not saying every system is flawless. I'm saying if you're in England, don't go to a soccer game. Odds are you're coming home with a t-shirt.

It's weird. They don't have guns, and yet they have a very high crime rate, which tells you how fucking polite the English are. "Gimme your wallet!" "Alright." "I think you were just robbed." "Pity." How do you have a crime rate that high and have no guns? I don't get it, man. What, does a guy walk into a bank, "Give me all your money! I've got a soccer ball!" "Shit, Ian, that's a Spalding! Here's serious!" Hand over the pounds.