Clam Lappers and Sonic the Hedgehog

You know though, I don’t get it, man. I tell you what, I have this new fear. ‘Cause I know, I know that I’m in a case of arrested development emotionally. I know that now. ‘Cause I realise, you know, like, ah, if you— anyone can go to the video store near my house and see what I’ve rented the past year. It’s fairly frightening, you know? Unbelievable evidence of an emotionally, you know, ah... digression goin’ on here. Porno movies and video games. What am I, thirteen emotionally? You know what I mean? I’m sitting there looking at this receipt I got from them, it’s like Clam Lappers and Sonic Hedgehog. That was one weekend. That was Easter weekend. Something’s going on with me, man. That’s pretty scary way to celebrate the resurrection of Christ... with Clam Lappers and Sonic fucking Hedgehog. You know? I’m... my big fear now is I’m gonna go rent a porno film at this one store I go to a lot, I’m gonna go rent a porno film and take it to the front, you know, and give it to the guy, and he’s gonna do that little ‘doot!’ and suddenly (makes sound of alarm): ‘You’ve just rented your millionth porno tape!’ (alarm) ‘Get a picture of him with it! Anal Entry, volume 500 – he made it through every one of ’em!’ (alarm) Give me the little trophy. Millionth porno tape, wow! Lucky fuckin’ me. And along with Super Mario 2. I wish they’d combine video and porno. That would be great, man, you know? Video games and porno films? I’d have high score on Clam Lappers by now. I wish they did have interactive porno – you know they come out with this thing now, interactive movies? They’re showing it in New York right now. Interactive movie – you watch the movie and then you determine which way you want the plot to go. This is fuck--This is technology solely for porno films... as far as I’m concerned. You know what I mean? I am so sick of being ripped off – if you’ve got enough courage to make porno films, go ahead and be creative about it. You’re, you’re already over the, you know, you’ve jumped the chasm here. ‘We’re gonna film people fuckin’ and suckin’.’ Cool! Now go crazy. You already made the jump. You are within the Dark Lord’s terrain at this point. There’s no reason to get coy. You’re drugging up runaways down at fuckin’ Sunset Boulevard right now. I don’t think you need to have morality plays goin’ on in the porno tape. Go ahead and satisfy my carnal base fuckin’ needs. Interactive porno – that’s the future, my friends. Then all dating will be history. Ah well. It’s backed-up Wil— this is backed-up Willie talking. I always get my most depressed when I’m backed up, man.