Marketing and Advertising

By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising... kill yourself. Thank you. Just planting seeds, planting seeds is all I’m doing. No joke here, really. Seriously, kill yourself, you have no rationalisation for what you do, you are Satan’s little helpers. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. Now, back to the show. Seriously, I know the marketing people: ‘There’s gonna be a joke comin' up.’ There’s no fuckin’ joke. Suck a tail pipe, hang yourself... borrow a pistol from an NRA buddy, do something... to rid the world of your evil fuckin’ presence. OK, back to the show. Plantin’ seeds. Will they bear fruit? I don’t know. Feel better plantin’. You know what bugs me, though? Everyone here who’s in marketing is now thinkin’ the same thing: ‘Oh, cool. Bill’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a huge market.’ (crying) Quit it, quit it. Don’t turn everything into a dollar sign, please! ‘Oooh. The plea-for-sanity dollar – huge! Huge market! Look at our research.’

You know, isn’t marketing the most evil concept ever? Like for instance, I saw this – you know what they do to movies now? This just drives me crazy. They show movies now to test audiences before the movie is released, and then change the movie depending on how these 200 random... yahoos – underline ‘yahoo’, point some fingers at it with a big exclamation fuckin’ point – ya-fuckin'-hoo liked it or did not like it. As though we are all the same, as though we have the same taste, as though, as though, as though. For instance, saw a movie this year called Basic... Instinct. Now. Bill’s quick capsule review: piece of shit. Thank you. That’s all it was, by the way. Don’t get caught up in the phoney hysteria surrounding this piece of shit film. ‘Was it too sexist, and what about the leg, did you think that maybe—’ Tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha you’re way off base. You’ve forgotten how to perceive correctly. Take a deep breath (breathes), watch it again: ‘Hey, it’s a piece of shit.’ Exactly. That’s all it ever was, was A PIECE OF SHIT. I just had to say that and clear it up. This phoney hype around this piece of shit film drove me crazy. Anyway, after I saw it about eight times.. come to find out, after seeing this film, all of the lesbian sex sce– let me repeat this part of the show – all of the lesbian sex scenes were cut out of this film, because the test audience... was turned off by them. (laughs) Boy, is my thumb not on the pulse of America. I don’t wanna seem like Randy Pan the Goatboy... but that was the only reason I went to that piece of shit film. Sorry. If I had been in that test audience, the only one out front protesting that film woulda been Michael Douglas demanding his part be put back in.

‘I swear I was in that movie. I swear I was!’
‘Well Gee, Mike, the movie started, Sharon Stone was eating another woman for an hour and a half . . . then the credits rolled. Ha ha ha! I don’t remember seeing your scrawny ass. Ohh! Was that you in the corner when she flipped her over and started eating her butt? Was that . . . oh yeah, you were good. You were really good. I was a little, I was watchin’ something else, but I saw you real briefly. She flipped her over, opened her ch— ahhhhh, started eating her ass, and I said, “Was that Michael Doug– oh, who gives a fuck. Look at that.”’

See, what I’m saying is it’d be a different film if I was the test audience, that’s all I’m trying to get at here. Don’t try an’ talk for me, please.