Confession Time (Cops)

Okay, folks. It's confession time. It's a confession in the way of a question. Is anyone here like me in that... they are compelled... obsessed... and drawn beyond their will... to watch the show 'Cops' every fucking night? I'm not alone? Oh, thank God! Thank God! I thought I was alone! "Hi, I'm Bill and I'm a 'Cops' watcher!" "Hi Bill!" I am OBSESSED by that fucking show! I can't- I can't not watch it. I'm like a guy with a sore tooth; I can't quit touching it. "Ow, ow. Oh, 'Cops' is on. Ow, ow. Ooowww." I've never been in so many trailer parks! Ever! "Ow..." Each night, I'm in a different- I could buy a trailer right now. I know that much about 'em from the show 'Cops'! "Ow, ooh, ah, double wide. Ow..." This is sick, man. I can't, you know...

And I love it 'cause every night, it's the same show. A woman has been beaten by her husband. Her head looks like a melon. The cops are called on a domestic call 'cause... the trailer next door... couldn't hear the results of the American Gladiators contest or something... over her shrieking. I don't know why they called. I don't... know how they had a phone. But anyway... the cops are called, right? And they come to the trailer and her 14 little cracker spawn are peering around her gingham skirt. Their eyes are so close together the left eye is in the right socket and the right eye is in the left socket. Some genetic mutation due to inbreeding here, I don't get it. What does their family tree look like - a stump? And every time, the woman stands up for the fucking guy. Head looks like a melon. "He didn't mean to hit me, officer! He didn't mean to hit me! He's a good man! Don't take him away! I fell asleep in the driveway and he run over my head with the truck! He's a good man! He don't mean no harm! He's passed out under the trailer right now with his dog Skeeter!"

Fuck cops, send in the S.W.A.T. team. She doesn't need children. 'kay? And that's a judgment call and I'm making it. But it also happens to be true, which gives it the force, that extra oomph. She needs no more children. 'kay? Okay. Can't support 'em, can't feed 'em, can't raise 'em, don't even love 'em! *Ponk!* Bring 'em on! Why don't you just get the fucking 'Cops' camera to shine it up your fucking PUSSY... and film the little criminal coming out!? This is crime prevention! Here comes another illiterate, unwanted child! "Cuff him, banano!" *mimics ugly crying* Just, can you calm down on your rutting just for a couple of seconds... until we figure out this food/air deal? "Well, who are you to judge? Who makes you so [???]? What makes you think he [???]?" "He didn't mean to hit me, officer!" And she stands up for this guy! This fucking cracker's balls deep in that whore every night! I haven't been laid in three fucking years! It's NOT RIGHT!