Speaking of Homosexuality

Speaking of homosexuality... something has come to my attention... that has shocked even me. Now, I consider myself a very open-minded person. I'll be honest with you. I think I'm very open-minded. Being a fellow such as I am who, over the course of his lifetime, several times has taken his body weight in psilocybin magic mushrooms... I've had my mind fairly opened, okay? UFO's? Seen 'em! Been on a couple. Good gas mileage. Okay... I'm out on a fucking limb with Shirley McLane at this point, alright? She's clinging to thе trunk, I'm hanging by a twig. "Come on, Shirley! Take anothеr cap! Come on, the UFO's are honking! We gotta go!" I'm pretty open-minded. Mother goddess, Earth goddess, I'm there, I'm with you, believe me in- in all ways.

Now... and yet... something has come to my attention that absolutely shocked me. Have you heard about these - and I know you have - these grade-school books they're trying to put into the curriculum for children... to help them understand the gay lifestyle? You know what I'm talking about? One of them is called "Heather's Two Mommies". The other one, ready? "Daddy's... New... Roommate".

Folks, I'm gonna have to draw the line here... and say that this is absolutely disgusting. I think it is grotesque and I think it is evil. I'm talking, of course, about "Daddy's New Roommate". "Heather's Two Mommies" on the other hand... Quite a fetching read. I uh... "Ooh, they're hugging on page 7. Go mommies, go! Heather's such a lucky girl! Ooh, they kiss in chapter 5, ooh! I wish I were Heather." Me and my nephew wrestle over that book every night. "Uncle Bill, I gotta do my homework!" "Shut up! Do math! I'm proofreading again. Ooh, they're hugging. Ooh, what's 6 plus 9?" *laughs*