Star Wars: The Last Jedi Recap Rap

[Verse 1]
First Order dominating led by General Hux
Trying to be intimidating, but for Poe it's all yuks
Still a smooth operator, X-Wing moves so fresh
'Til he leads his whole bombing crew to untimely deaths

Wipe to Rey
Ready to learn that Jedi Magic
But Luke is in a different movie working on his slapstick
Between the frog nuns and cute, walking merch
The Jedi Temple turned into a comedy church

Snoke's first live appearance, pimp robes cut slender
Looking like if Sеal got his head stuck in a blender
Chеwing out Kylo, who gets extra fumed
Helmet smash! Well, there goes my Halloween costume

On the cruiser, Leia plays face-smacker
Think they're all safe, but yo, lightspeed tracker! (duh)
Kylo space rage, can't pull the trigger on his damn mom
Blows up anyway, Leia gets her Superman on

This is where some of y'all get lost
And others are still into it all because...

[Chorus 1]
Class, religion, Stones and Beatles
But nothing else divides us more
Than expensive Sci-Fi sequels
Where fans and critics are at war
No, we can't restart
All of this happened
Though it breaks some hearts
All of it's canon

[Verse 2]
Checking in with Finn, the leaky Michelin Man
On his way to find Rey but love has different plans
With the sister of a bomber in the grieving stages
So Maz sends them out to get wrecked in Vegas

Horse-cat derbies, Booze, and J G-L
Then a parking violation lands them both in a cell
With Oscar-winning Del Torro, he'll take it from here
But their first mistake was trusting him to not be weird

Rey down the rabbit hole, tripping on reflections
Forcetimes with Kylo, man they always have reception
She thinks that she can fix him
Luke thinks she full of crap
"There's still conflict in him
Also, have you seen his traps?"

She bounces off to Kylo
Snoke has her by the balls
"I cannot be betrayed"
Kylo has him Darth Mauled
Guards cut loose for an 8 v 2 fight
Then it's drop! Slice! Toss! Stab!
So f***ing tight!

Leia's comatose, follow Admiral Dern (pew)
Butting heads with Poe but takes an admirable turn
She remains on the cruise as the crew escapes
Huge explosion on mute 'cause the vacuum of space (duh)

That awestruck some while others don't believe the physics
Either way, it's hot debate and that's the beauty in it

[Chorus 2]
Canto Bight and Captain Phasma
Unanswered queries about Snoke
Super fans may see these as some
Sadistic undermining jokes
Some enjoyed those parts
Honestly, truly
It's the Hawaiian pizza of movies

[Verse 3]
To the base in the Tundra snow
Or maybe it's sand? "Salt"
Oh thanks, that was bothering me
Rickety ships 'cause they low on budget
Face the battering ram cannon
(That's the best that they could come up with?)

Rose saves Finn and they squeeze that first kiss in
Luke in the game to pinch hit like Kirk Gibson
An understated overkill does nothing to him
Now it's Mano a Mano
It's the Master v Student

See, back in the day, Ben was under Luke's instruction
A miscommunication caused resentment and destruction
Now Luke's next move is hard to work like a puppet (hmm?)
The ol' meditation-fighting-fade-into-the-double-sunset

Follow walking chandeliers
Rey lifts the rubble
Poe says "Wassup"
Finn's bromance is in trouble
Load up on the Falcon, time to set a new course
Tilt down to the stable boy who also has the Force

I think it means we all have it, even just a smidge
The not-so-hidden meaning is that Rian Johnson's rich