Star Wars: The Force Awakens Recap Rap

[Verse 1]
Far, far away where the paragraphs crawl
Where the rebels rebel and the empires fall
There's a new galactic battle happenin’, all that means
Is you can have laser swords but no stable regimes
'Cause the Rebels got their peace, everything was good and chill
Then the First Order crawled out of the shadows like Charlottesville
Angsty rallies, destruction of worlds
All this male aggression has to be destroyed by a girl

From Jakku (Where?)
Scavenger by day
Make that quarter portion bread, call her "Rachael" Rey
Just an orphan girl she lives a lonely life then
She comes across a droid that's made for merchandisin’
She probably got the Force but she'll need more help
From a former conformist who be reformin' himself
They the next Han and Leia? New love for the ages?
But I'm talkin' 'bout that bromance with Llewyn Davis

That's Poe, yo, the classiest pilot
Rolls so-lo, he's his own hairy sidekick
Ain’t your daddy’s war, just another example
Of the hero's story based on Joseph Campbell...
Look it up

[Hook 1]
Star Wars has returned and awakened
Made the franchise more entertaining
Now it’s fun (like the older films)
So much fun (not like the prequels)
Humor, good acting, stuff that we missed
No more midi-chlorian BS
Now it's fun (much unlike the prequels)
So much fun (stupid prequels)

[Verse 2]
Han and Chewy intercept 'em to resume the Falconry
On the run from the only Scotsman in the galaxy
Rev up that MF-er like a 70s sports car
Avoidin' all the raiders and that Japanese porn star

Land in the galaxy’s version of Portland
Rey has some visions that are probably important
Orange Yoda expositions, here we go again
As the party's interrupted by Darth-Low Rent

He's an evil dark man throwin' little boy tantrums
Like his helmet loops a playlist full of Fall Out Boy anthems (going down, down)
Son of Solo, grandson of Vader
So morally conflicted-
(Oh what? It's that dude from Girls)

Checks in with the leader supreme
Who's like a 2Pac hologram loaded with sour cream
Rey got mental toughness so they shackled up her arms and legs
The only way to get out is by mind trickin' Daniel Craig

Starkiller Base got the same contractor
With the same glaring weakness or the same fun factor?
Took the hint when they made Rogue One
It's a wacky space adventure, just make it fun

[Hook 2]
Leia, 3PO, Han and Chewy
Plus new folks to round up the movie
Balancing all the old and new
Plus it's fun (unlike the prequels)
If you had to choose between having
Cake or uncooked meat on your birthday
You'd choose cake (the meat will make you sick)
Go for fun! (not a prequel)

[Verse 3]
Han and Finn and Chewy: team with no wasted parts
As they easily dispose of Brienne of Darth
Father/son reunion, maybe there can be a truce
Well, nope, later Ford, see you in your other reboots

Opposite of burning man, break out the glow sticks
Finn vs Kylo, but it ain't even close, kid
Rey is on her Force game, goin' for broke
Then a schism forms between 'em but the Force is woke

BOOM goes the base, fly away at lightspeed
R2 comes to with no help from I.T
Piece the map together, waze the shortest route
Then Rey finds Luke, cliffhanger, wipe it out