Frozen Recap Rap

[Verse 1]
Let's go to a magic place through the Disney castle doorway
Grand fjords, Northern lights, basically it's Norway
Everybody's healthy there and everybody's nice (Hello!)
Even though the economy's dependent upon ice
But this monarchy has heirs, related but different humans
An adorkable redhead and a mothereffing mutant
It's snowmen and fun times, 'til Anna gets knocked out cold (Cold!)
Mom and Pop lock Elsa up, and neuralize Anna with a troll (Troll!)
Lock the gates, keep it in check, Elsa puts her gloves on
Mom and Pop in a shipwrеck, years go by in one song
For the first timе in forever, Princess Elsa comes of age, Yo
Anna fawns over handsome Hans and in one night they're engaged (woah!)
But she needs it validated, Older sis says "Hell no!"
Agitated and aggravated, she fills the kingdom with hella snow
Anna leaves, Hans in charge, Elsa's off on a band cue
'Cause the only thing that you can do
When people don't understand you
Is sing it like Julie Andrews
And build a palace (What?!)

[Chorus 1]
Icicles
Icy floors
She's building a brand new home
Chandeliers
Staircase here
And she's doing it all alone
Who'da guessed
She's an architect
...ural genius?
Building codes never bothered her anyway

[Verse 2]
Anna in the wilderness, gets bucked off by her horse
Meets a hot guy with frostbite an an inconvenience store
They sled up through the dark, fight wolves
Jump a cliff, but they're still not goners
And the chemistry keeps getting stronger, between Kristoff
...And Donner
They wander, then they find the cutest dude you'll ever see
Adorable and huggable and suffering from leprosy
Tear his limbs, impale his heart; he laughs through every kind of pain
And sings although his song's a dark metaphor for climate change
Anyway, to the palace, to melt Elsa's defiance
But against both God and science, she conjures up a frost giant
And amidst this sorcery, Anna's heart goes stone cold (Cold!)
Kristoff has the remedy:
His family of stone trolls (Troll!)
Shotgun wedding goes awry
Then Anna's hair turns all white
She needs true love from a hot guy
So obviously that's Hans, right?
Meanwhile at the ice house, Elsa fights for her life now
Got her enemies dead to rights now, cold murder in her eyes now
She avoids a shot but it's lights out
Boy, that escalated real quick...

[Chorus 2]
Sure did!
But the kids
Love the film across the globe
They're obsessed
And I guess
It's all thanks to "Let It Go"
Broadway plays
Cruises, baby names
It's everywhere!
This thing probably ain't gonna go away

[Verse 3]
Hans locks El in a prison cell until she brings the summer back
She escapes with her superpowers
'Cause I guess nobody thought of that
Kristoff drops Anna off to be with Hans at the castle
It's true love, so pucker up, but it turns out Hans is an... (not nice)
Locks her away to freeze to death, where he usurps the kingdom
It's a heart-wrenching moment, yet no one's gonna sing...
Sven and Kris have a heart to heart
Then get him to back down to where he's needed
Olaf breaks in and warms Anna up
And then finally learns what heat is
Ceiling ice, windows fly, blizzard keeps raging out the doors
Elsa has hard times, trying to walk through her own storm
Then Hans lies that Anna died, and Elsa becomes broken
In sacrifice, Anna turns to ice, Hey look at that, she's frozen!
Her true love helps her defrost and all around the snow thaws
Hans wakes up to justice, which arrives in the form of getting cold-cocked
Olaf gets a snow cloud
While Kris and Anna make out
And Elsa builds an ice rink
Then end it on a fade out

We're all just precious snowflakes!