WWJD

It's good to see all kinds of- what the hell? It's good to see all... Ha! Those are my shadows behind me! Oh, scared me! Oh, thought a couple of black guys were sneaking up behind me there. I... Did you see that? That scared the hell out of me! (laughs) That ai- If you don't think that's funny, you get the hell out of here, 'cause that's a... That's funny right there, now! That's a funny joke right there!

It's good to see some old-timers out there tonight too. God bless the old-timers. Good to see you here. That means you're not in your cars. (laughs) Don't that piss you off being in traffic, trying to get somewhere behind an old-timer? And they all got them signs, on their bumper stickers: What Would Jesus Do? I bet he'd do the speed limit. (laughs) At least 40! Speed it up a little bit! Tell you what, that makes me madder than a prostitute trying to put a rubber on an epileptic. I tell you what, that... That makes me mad right there!

I'll tell you what else makes me madder than a one-legged stripper doing a table hop. People that drive and talk on cellphones. You know what I mean? Don't that irritate you? Good Lord! I tell you what, I was leaving the video store the other day, alright? I was getting some Michael Moore DVDs to put under my couch to make it sit level. Alright? And uh... right? And then some dude gets on the interstate, talking on the cellphone. That's who the cops ought to go after! No regard for nobody else, changing two to three lanes at a time at a construction site. He took out more cones than Oprah at the Dairy Queen, alright? I bet I spilled three beers following that jackass.

I had a buddy of mine one time, wanted a black lab, but it was too expensive. So then, he was gonna get a golden lab and it was too expensive. So he ended up getting a meth lab. (laughs) Now he can afford any dog he wants, by God!