Hank Williams Jr. High School

That's right. I was just going to see a buddy of mine a while back in, uh, Tulsa, Oklahoma. I had a rental car. By the way, if you ever get a rental car and you want to cheat on the mileage, don't use whiteout. They figured that out, alright?

I was on my way, I was in his town. You're not gonna believe this. He's got a school in his town called Hank Williams Jr. High School. Alright? Yeah, and I love Bocephus, but I'd have probab- I couldn't figure out, though, if it was 'Hank Williams Jr... High School' or 'Hank Williams Jr. High School. (laughs) Turns out, it didn't matter. Nobody graduated from either one of 'em, so...

So I get to my buddy's house. I got there earlier than I should've and I went in the backyard and his sistеr was back there. She's a big ol' fat... sumbitch. And, uh... shе is! She's huge! Jared from Subway tried to sell her his old pants a couple of weeks ago, alright? That's a true story! And she was out there in a T-back on! She's 320 pounds! And I'm looking at her and she's got a tree branch over her head. Now what is she doing? About the time I go to investigate, the police show up and say, 'Where's she at?' I'm like, 'Where's who at?' They go, 'The girl that's got the hammock stuck up her asscrack!' What the hell? 'Th- that's a hammock? I thought that was a T-back! That would explain the tree branch on her head right there!' You shouldn't get in a hammock if you're above 300 pounds, that's for dadgum sure.

(laughs) I told you this is gonna be the dumbest show you ever heard.