News Items

I was watching the news the other day. I like watching the news. How about that girl that had sex with her students? You see that good-looking teacher had sex- What in the world? I'm gonna go back and enroll in fourth grade, that's what I'm gonna do! That's a 'Stay in School' incentive right there! They ought to change that from 'No Child Left Behind' to 'No Child's Behind Left Alone'! That's what they ought to do there!

And the kids are telling everybody. 'Hey, she had-' Shut up, you dumbass! Good Lord, you get to be my age, sitting around, watching the Playboy channel all by yoursеlf, you'll be wishing you back in that classroom! That happened to a buddy of minе's kid, had sex with his teacher. Bad part there was he was home-schooled. So that wasn't- I know, I'm with ya. I totally agree with you! It's ridiculous.

Rosie O'Donnell come out of the closet last year, like that was a shock. It was a shock she'd come out of any closet. Good Lord! She come out of the three-car garage, is where she come out of.

I think rednecks are the smartest people in the world, and I tell you, I know that to be true. I'm telling you. Think about it: NASA. Shoots rockets into space. Everyone of 'em, pretty dadgum smart. And they all rednecks. I can guarantee you. People, 'How do you know that?' 'cause they got two cars on Mars and one of 'em's already up on blocks. Alright? That proves it right there.