Hooters and Hooters Airlines

Went to Hooters when I was down there. I like Hooters. Y'all like the Hooters? I tell you what, I don't know if I'm gonna eat there no more. I'm gonna tell you. If them shorts get any shorter on them girls, the FDA's gonna start making 'em wear hairnets. (laughs) Good Lord, that's unsanitary right there! My chicken wings needed a combover! I know, it's ridiculous! I'm walking out, she's like, 'How was everything?' 'Everything's pretty (coughing up a hairball sound)' Git-R-Done! (laughs)

You know what I did find out, though? This made me happier than the Pillsbury Queer Boy frosting up some hot butt-cakes, I tell you. Hooters got an airline now. They fly into Atlanta, Georgia. Good Lord, that's a good airline! I got 8,000 frequent boner miles on there already there. That's a good airline! First time I ever asked for an aisle seat and prayed for turbulence on an airplane.

But them flight waitresses, they ain't very smart, though. They had the Hooters flight attendant in there and I asked her if I could see the cockpit and she pulled her shorts down! You believe that? I'm with you, it was ridiculous! And the idiot next to me goes, 'Is that the black box they always talking about right there?' Reverend, do you wanna knock it off? Don't give the preacher nothing to drink no more.

But they was pretty girls down there, and some airlines ain't got pretty girls. I was on this airline the other day. I ain't mention the name of 'em- Continental. Alright? But, uh... them was the ugliest flight attendants I'd ever seen. And I shouldn't have made eye contact and I did, and I looked right at that one girl, and my weiner went in and out my buttcrack. Alright? I swear! My eyeballs seen her, my weiner come out, spun around... (zip) Shot right out of my damn asscrack. And that's documented! That's a true story right there! You know you're ugly when you're making fellers poop their own weiner. You know what I mean? That's... that's 'Glamor Shots ugly' right there. That's 'Glamor Shots ugly'.

I don't like going to the airport nohow 'cause of the dadgum security. Don't profile nobody which pisses me off. I mean, it's irritating. You gotta take everything off. 'Take your jacket off. Take your shoes off.' I went through the other day to save time in nothing but a pair of Speedos. (laughs) And they still pulled me out and accused me of smuggling in a pocketknife.

Make you take your shoes off now 'cause of the Shoe Bomber. 'Take your shoes off.' They need to start making women take their panties off, then I'll go back to the airport. Shoot, I'd get there early for that flight! 'Sorry, Ma'am, you're gonna have to take your panties off. It's a law. Take 'em off. What the hell? Is that a fuse? Hey, security, we got a panty bomber over here! Security, we got a panty bomber!' That ain't right.

Lord, I apologize for that and... even though it was funny, and be with the starving pygmies in New Guinea. Amen.

My grandma almost got in trouble at the airport. She had some marijuana in her purse 'cause she's on the medical marijuana for her eyes. I don't think it's making her see any better but she is making some really good brownies. I'll tell you that, but... Good Lord. I bet they getting $200 dollars a plate for them up at the church.

They always say, 'You take marijuana to make you see better.' Let me tell you something. You wanna see better? Drink tequila. (laughs) You drink that, you gonna see stuff you ain't never seen in your whole life, on tequila. But that's a bad deal. I don't drink no more tequila. I used to drink tequila but my neighbor's got up a petition, so I can't do it no more. And I don't care what they say, I still say that none of them puppies look nothing like me, alright? I don't wanna talk about that, alright? But it was a long night, that's all I know.