I Wiped My Bum Too Much

[Verse 1]
Well, I wiped too much and now it hurts when I touch my bum
I hope that another urge to poop again doesn't soon come
The pain isn't in my cheeks, it's in between
And it's all because I felt the need to be very, very clean
I didn't wanna leave any poop behind, not even the slightest trace
Now it hurts when I sit or stand or walk and you can see it in my face

[Chorus]
You've got to keep wiping when the paper looks like mud
But you've wiped way too much when you start to see blood

[Verse 2]
Well, I called up my doctor and he said, "Come in and I'll take care of ya"
And he applied some lotion to the affected area
He said to me, "Son, I know just your type
You wanna be clean and so you wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe
But if you wanna prevent that pain in your bum
Then I present to you the general rule of thumb"

[Chorus]
You've got to keep wiping when the paper looks like mud
But you've wiped way too much when you start to see blood
You've got to keep wiping when the paper looks like mud
But you've wiped way too much when you start to see blood
You've got to keep wiping when the paper looks like mud
But you've wiped way too much when you start to see blood
You've got to keep wiping when the paper looks like mud
But you've wiped way too much