Gotta Poop (& I’m With a Pretty Girl)

Well, I live in a very, very tiny apartment
And I had a girl with me up there when a little fart went
Outta my bum, I knew I was losing, not winning
Because that little fart, it was only the beginning

I started wishing I had a bigger place, I wish I had made some improvements
The bathroom was way too close and I needed to have a bowel movement
A big one with explosions and probably some diarrhea
It would take me about fifteen minutes
And when I came back out, she'd say "See ya later"

"It's over, our love has reached its end
Anyone with bowels like that can't be my boyfriend"
And I couldn't let that happen, no, no, no, no, not a chance
So I held it and I held it 'til I started pooping my pants

And of course, she noticed my pants turning brown
I faked a nice smile, she wore a big frown
I washed up in the bathroom, I put some clean clothes on
And sure enough, when I came back, she was gone, gone, gone, gone
It would have gone better, who knows? We might have dated
If only I had been constipated
If only I had been constipated