School Nurse

Me and my mom are really close now. I–this is how close me and my mom are. Like, I send my mom pictures of my dick whenever I’m worried. Easy. She’s a nurse. She’s a nurse, so I figured whenever, like, I get a dot or something, rather than go see the doctor, I can just cut out the middleman, send it to my mom. That’s not fuck–no, fuck you; I don’t like that. You know, maybe you guys aren’t just that close with your mothers. Yeah, me and my mom are on a dick level. No, like–no, here’s an example. Like, if there was a line of dudes waiting to show their dick to my mom, right– it’s her lucky day. Uh, I–I could cut that line because I’m with the family. You understand?

No, I would send my mom pics. I’d be like, “Hey, Mom, sorry to bother you, but, you know, do you see anything wrong here?” And she’d be like, “Yeah, Pete. Definitely something wrong.” And I’d be like, “What?” She’s like, “You’re sending me pictures of your dick. What the fuck’s wrong with you? I’m a school nurse.” Oh. She was like, “Put a Band-Aid on it. I don’t know.”