I Watch a Lot of Porn

I been, uh, I watch a lotta porn. Like, I could post a Throwback Thursday photo of me jerking off. And, um… Like, I–I do. I watch a lotta porn. And I noticed something. I don’t know if you’re an avid porn user, but online, there’s no new porn unless you pay for it. So I been watching some of the classics. No problem. I can watch some classics, yeah. But I noticed something that I don’t like in porn. Because I’ve been the same porns over and over, I’m noticing new things, you know? Like, this is something I really don’t like. I don’t like when male porn stars moan. Yeah, what the fuck’s up with that? It’s like, “You’re a professional. Act like you been there before.” Yeah. And you know, as a male porn star, like, guys are jerking off to this, so why would you moan so loud? You know how distracting that is? Have some fucking respect for your fans, seriously.

I was watching this porn the other day, and the guy was like, “Oh, yeah! Fuck! Fuck yeah!” And I was like, “What a fucking weirdo.” I’m like, “Will you shut the fuck up so I could fucking cum, please, you fucking weirdo?”