If Chauffeurs Ruled The World

[TV's Frank]
If chauffeurs ruled the world
It's what I'd like to see
'Cause everyone in the world
Would take a back seat to me

I wouldn't have to drive
I wouldn't have to steer
'Cause all would bow down before me
In total abject fear

All the gorgeous dames
Would worship at my feet!
Why, I could have any one of them I want
Even Meryl Steep

I'd have complete respect
Of everyone on the planet
Including intellectuals
Even David Mamet

[Bridge]

Tell me, why do I have to take
Orders from this guy?
I'd like to drop him a bucket of boiling grease
And watch him slowly die.

[Dr. Forrester]
That's enough, Frank.

[Frank]
If chauffeurs ruled the world

[Dr. F]
That's enough, Frank, Frank!

[Frank]
Is what I'd like to see

[Dr. F]
That's enough!

[Frank]
'Cause everyone in the world
Would take a back seat to me,
Mammy!

[Dr. F]
That's enough, Frank.

[Joel]
We think your song is

[Joel and the Bots]
Fabulous!

[Frank]
If chauffeurs ruled the world,
It's what I'd like to see,
But I guess some other palooka will rule the world
No, not me.

[Dr. F]
Push the button, Judy Garland. Push the button, Frank.

[Frank]
Do you think the ACE Awards people are watching this?

[Dr. F]
Oh, for crying out loud!