Godzilla Genealogy Bop

[Crow T. Robot]
I'm confused. Uh, just who is this Godzilla guy?

[Tom Servo]
Yes, wise one. Please, teach us

[Joel Robinson]
I don't know if you're ready for this

[Tom/Crow]
Oh, please Mr. Joel. Please! Come on. Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!

[Joel]
Okay, my little robot friends, but we only pass this way once. This is called the "Godzilla Genealogy Bop." Would you hit it, Professor Cambot?

In order to know Godzilla, we've got to look into his past

[Crow]
You know studying genealogy is gonna be a blast

[Joel]
Ah, you've got it little robot pal, we're swinging into high

[Tom]
Come on, let's cut to the chase you couple of geeks
And get to the family tree!

[Crow]
Huh?

[Joel]
Well, it started with a nuclear blast and pets that were released

[Tom]
Oh, like--

[Tom/Crow]
--baby alligators and other nasty beasts?

[Joel]
Right
The fusion reaction caused them to grow a thousand times their size

[Tom]
Oh

[Crow]
Well, that explains Godzilla's attractive tail and thunderous thighs!

[Joel]
Right

[Tom]
Ah!

[Joel]
Now you're getting it little buddy--

[Crow]
Ah!

[Joel]
--but now we must move on

[Tom]
Uh huh

[Joel]
Godzilla's not the only one to benefit from the A-bomb

[Tom]
Yeah, look, there's Aunty Ness from Scotland's Loch, they married in the spring
And their first-born was Godzooky, and now we begin to sing!

[Crow]
Godzookie went to Hollywood, an agent to the stars
He had an affair with Lorna Luft and smoked those big cigars

[Tom]
And outta the lusty Luft affair Ron Perlman resulted. Huh

[Joel]
You know, surgery was considered for him, but nobody was consulted!
Oh, I did it again

[Crow]
Then Ron met Yoko Ono, and they began to spawn
A couple of hundred horrible things as green as Forest Lawn

[Tom]
There they are: there's Kermit the Frog
The Swamp Thing, Hulk, and Ernest Borgnine too!

[Crow]
But Ernest Borgnine isn't green!

[Tom]
Well ya put him on a boat and he is!

[Joel/Crow]
What?

[Tom]
Hey! Who's that at the bottom, a-wallowin' in his shame?

[Crow]
Oh, that's just Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame

[Tom]
Huh

[Joel]
To wrap it up, the worst mutation...

[Crow]
No, you don't suppose?!

[Tom]
Oh, yes it is, the horror of horrors--

[Tom/Crow]
--Karl Malden's nose!