Medical Follies Part 2

Two of the scientists that were working on our Vanguard rocket took time off to work on something that would benefit the country, the nation, the whole entire world. They were working on a new sex pill, and there were successful after 34 days of hard work. They invented a new sex pill called "Rise". For men over 45, it's put out by Upjohn. These pills are the greatest pills ever created by mankind. Gentlemen, I'ma tell ya, if you get you a box, a carton or a jar of these pills, read the directions very carefully. Read the directions carefully, because I'm tellin' ya, if you don't swallow 'em fast, it make ya neck hard.

There was a guy that went to the doctor, he said, "Doc, looka here," Doc said, "You ever had that before." He said, "Uh-huh." Doctor said, "Well, you got it again." Another guy went to the doctor, said, "Doc, take a look at this." Doctor said, "My goodness, man, where'd you get something like that?" He said, "I stick it in beans." Doctor said, "What kind of beans?" He said, "Human beings."

There was a fella, he went to the doctor, he was feeling bad, he was nervous and upset, he didn't know what was wrong with him, he got to the doctor's office. So, the doctor wasn't there, so the nurse looked at him, he was shaking there, sitting there trembling. She said, "Well, maybe I could help you." So he explained when he was young he had never had an affair ever in his life, never before, and had his body, this physical thing, and he was just upset and shaking, eyes twitching, had that thing. So the nurse said, "Well, I understand, come on here in the office with me." So she took the man in the office and shut the door and knocked over a few medicine bottles, some pills fell on the floor in the process. This guy left, and about four or five weeks later, he had that same feeling on him again. He went to the doctor's office, this time the doctor was there, so the doctor took him inside and explained his condition to the doctor, said, "Doc, first time I never had, never before in my life had—" Doctor said, "Well, look here, you take these pills here and that'll be five dollars." He said, "Well, doc, it's all the same to you, I'd like to get that 20 dollar treatment again."

An old fella wanted to marry a young girl, pretty girl, too, she was. He realized he was an old guy, so he went to a plastic surgeon, trying to get straightened out, get his face smoothed out a little bit, so he went to one of the best plastic surgeons in Illinois. And he sat down in the office, waiting, finally got admitted, doc said, "Well, what can I do for you?" Guy said, "Well, doc, I'm marrying a young girl, she's really pretty, and I'm an old guy, I want to get some of these wrinkles out my face, get these carpet bags off of here, move this glass stone, and pull my ears down some
Doc felt his meat, feeling on it, squeezed it, doc told him, "Well, ain't much I can do with your meat, kinda old, and you know that is—it's hard, it's where I put the meat is, " said, "Nothing I can do for you at all and nobody I can suggest for you". Guy said, "Well, doc, you got to do something, money is no object because I got all the money". Doctor said, "Well, let me see," doc said, "Well, the best thing I can do for you," after he felt his meat again, he said, "The best thing I can do for you is to pull all your meat up to the top of your head like this and tie it in a ponytail". The guy said, "Well, doc, if that's all you can do," he said, "well, go ahead and do that long as I get smooth". So the doc grabbed his meat up and pulled it up to the top of his head real tight and tied it with a black shoestring. This guy put his hat on, he had a hat full of meat, but his face was smooth, it was really smooth, smooth, smooth
And he went around to his girlfriend's house and knocked on the door, and she was shocked when she saw him. He looked so good, she was hardly, she was almost, she couldn't, she says, "My goodness, what happened?," she said, "You look so good". She said, "Darling, you know, I never noticed that dimple in your chin before". He said, "Dimple? Hell, that's my navel". He said, "You want a real surprise, open up my shirt collar".