Children’s Fables

Little boy ran to his mother, said, "Mother, mother, I almost hate you, you ran over my bicycle." She said, "Well, what the hell you put it on the porch for?"

My neighbor's son ran in the house the other day to his mother, he said, "Mother, I just knocked over the ladder in the garden." And mama said, "Well, you better go tell your daddy." Little boy said, "Well, he knows, he's hanging from the roof of the house."

I always wanted a sled, my dad couldn't even get me a sled. I had to slide down the hill on my cousin.

When we were kids, they were teaching us filth in school. "Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn." You'd break your neck tryna blow your horn. "Well, well, well, my pussy fell in the well." My brother was 14 when he got drowned looking for it. Triplets, we were triplets, three boys born 48 minutes apart. My dad walked in the room, he saw us laying there, three of us. He looked at my mother, he said, "Mary, you pick out the one you want 'cause I'ma drown them other two." That's how I learned how to swim.

A lot of you folks might have kids yourself and every now and then you have to get in contact with a babysitter, very necessary if you want to go somewhere. And this lady had a babysitter, and she came home from work and her little boy was on the couch sleep in the living room, and the lady that lived next door, she had been watching television, fell asleep. And she had been kind enough to sit there for ten dollars for one night. When the kid's mother came home, they both woke up, and the neighbor said, "Well, I guess I'll go home." And the mother looked at the little boy, said, "Now, Josh, kiss the nice lady, kiss the nice lady 'night night'". Little boy said, "What, and get my face slapped like pop did?"

Lady asked a little boy why his grandma just sat all the time in the rocking chair and read the Bible. Little boy said, "I guess she's cramming for her final."

It was a little boy, sort of a bad boy, and his mom saw cause to take him to a psychiatrist. And the psychiatrist had the little boy in his office and was talking to him, he said, "What do you do best, Willie? You've been in a lot of trouble, but what do you do best?" He said, "I shoot birds." Doctor said, "And what do you do the next-best, Willie?" He said, "I like to make slingshots and shoot birds. I love to shoot birds, doc." He said, "What do you like next, Willie?" He said, "I like to take girls' bloomers down." Doctor said, "Now we're getting somewhere, Willie." He said, "And after you take their bloomers down, what do you do?" He said, "I pull the elastic out and make me a slingshot and shoot me some birds."