Africa and the Cannibals

There was a cannibal chief and a witch doctor eating a missionary. The witch doctor said, "Chief, I'm having a ball." Chief said, "Well, you eating too fast."

Say, you remember about three years ago, a guy out here found 240 thousand dollars on the street somewhere downtown here in Los Angeles—remember? You remember that fool—uh, fella. 240 thousand dollars cash, he found it in a bag, was home free with the door locked, 5's, 10's, 20's, unmarked by a human being. No one knew he had it, he was in debt until it got straight. And he called the authorities up and told 'em, "I found this money that coulda kept me cool for the rest of my life, and I want y'all to have it back." He lived next door to me. The reporters came out there, walked all across my grass and stuff, and said, "Foxx, if you had found that money, would you have turned it in?" I said, "Yes, I would've turned it in—I would've turned it into a pillowcase, and caught me a jet plane for the Congo, hired ten thousand mau maus at a dollar a piece, sat down in the center of 'em while they were sharpening their poison darts and spears and blow guns, and dared somebody come and ask me somethin' about 240 thousand dollars."

There was once a guy, you know, he was considered a little bit forward, you know, as men go. And he'd meet a girl, and two seconds after he'd met the girl, he'd say, "Let's go somewhere and make love, baby." Two seconds after he was introduced. So, his friends, you know, all his buddies said, "Look, that's too fast. Take your time and relax and be cool about it. Start a conversation, talk a while, say something." So the next date they had, this guy was there, old Forward Jones, he was introduced to a beautiful girl, and he went over on the couch and sat down, the lights were dim, he said, "Hey baby, have you ever been to Africa?" She said, "No." He said, "Well, let's go somewhere and make love."

The cannibal, he was sharp because he knew about progress. He was dressed sharp in the latest fashions and sent him to college so he could grow up in the wings of civilization, and help the continent where he was from. He was on a transAtlantic boat for the first time. And he went to get his meal in the dining room, and the waiter walked over to him, he said, "Would you like to see the menu?" This cannibal said, "No, I'd like to see the passenger list."

Now, here's a true story from the Congo—no, I might as well get to the facts—see, it was this big African tribesman, had a missionary living right in his village. And one day, the chief discovered a white baby in the village. So they went to this missionary and said, "Sir, we discovered white baby. You only white man for 22 thousand miles. How?" So this missionary, he didn't know how to quite put it, he was surprised that the chief would come to him. And he was fidgeting around, he said, "Well, what can I say? Let me explain this to you." He said, "Now, come here to the window. Look out the window. You see that herd of sheep? Now, see that one black sheep over there? Now, I can't explain how albinos come, but all those sheep are white and there's one black one." So the chief said, "Okay, you no tell on me, and I no tell on you." Thank you.