Jackasses

This is the truth, I'm from the country, and during the war, they made a lot of money at home, they didn't throw it away on foolish things like food, rent, and clothing. Everybody bought something worthwhile, something that you could get a hold of and call your very own—everybody in my hometown bought a jackass. Everybody, I mean everybody bought a jackass, even little bitty kids, they had an ass of their own. Preacher's wife had the biggest ass in town—I know because I rode her big ass all the time. Biggest ass I ever been on. You could see the muscles in her big ass. Sometimes I'd ride her ass so long, I'd actually sweat and I'd slip right off her big sweaty ass. No, that's because I didn't have no saddle, you see. Well, just like I told you, she had a husband, he didn't have such a bad ass hisself. He was a preacher—I rode his little narrow ass once. Boniest ass I ever been on. You can't ride no bony ass, you got to have some meat on your ass when you gettin' ready to ride. Yes, sir. Get you a big fat ass and "Hi ho, Silver." One Sunday, the preacher came to church and started preaching, he put his ass outside. The congregation came to church on their ass, preacher came to church on his ass, and I hadn't been in town long, I was on my ass. The preacher put his ass outside the window, came inside and started preaching. One of the sisters was smoking—I mean, was reading the gospel, and something caught a'fire in the back pew and she jumped up hollering, "Help! Somebody save us!" Everybody ran outside, snatched their ass and rode off. But the old reverend, he didn't leave—he stayed there and counted the collection. Got caught inside, he think his ass might get scorched outside, so he took a long running jump and jumped out the window to land on his ass. But somebody had stole reverend's ass, it wasn't there, and reverend fell down in the deep hole in the ground, that's where they found him, in this hole in the ground. Just go to show you, don't it—some folks don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.