Titty Bar Christmas

You know, everybody has their special Christmas memories. When you got your first Bible, when your relatives were all in eating oyster soup. This is my favorite memory of all, and I writ a poem about it. It's called 'Titty Bar Christmas'. Hope you enjoy it

'twas the night before Christmas, when throughout the trailer park
Everyone was sleeping except for a couple Haitian immigrants taking out the radio in my car while I was parked
And me and my Dick Trickle undershorts cleaning my truck, full of dirt, wondered how I got ketchup stains on my new 'Who Farted?' shirt. That's why I can't have nice things
When down at the titty club, I heard they was packed
So I put on some boots and I drove down there with DeWayne, parked in the back
Well, we walked inside and what did we see
But an Oriental stripper that wanted to dance for me
So I sit on the couch spread-eagle with a beer
As ol' Ling Chow gave me some Christmas cheer (sucky sucky)
I felt like a king, I was proud as a peach
Heck, I was ready for more, I wanted one of each
I was getting demanding and I was kind of a dick
You know, yelling at the girls to dance and wanting 'em quick
'Hey Candy! Come here! Show me that butt!
And Ginger and Coco, rub on my nuts
Hey Blondie, turn around! Are them real or fake?
They gotta be real, that plastic don't shake.'
They was redheads and brunettes, it was the best Christmas by far
Then we run out of money, left for the car
And later that night as I slept in my bed
With visions of T-backs still dancing in my head
I smiled and dreamed of boobs big and small
Oh, that Titty Bar Christmas was the greatest of all

[crying] I miss Titty Bar Christmas