Fat Holiday Relatives

Hey, this is Larry the Cable Guy and I just got a little problem about Christmas. And you know what it is? Visiting relatives. What is it about visiting holiday relatives that make you gain about 20 pounds over the holidays? They'd make an Ethiopian loosen his pants and take a Tums. Is it because you'd rather have a mouthful of cake than talk to relatives? As soon as you walk through the door, it's like Buffet World in there, it's ridiculous

'Merry Christmas!'
'Shut up and eat this pie. When you're done with that, we got a plate of meatloaf for ya and two bags of Cheetos and a bucket of ice cream with chocolate chips. And hurry up! Eat it! We gotta go meet your cousins aftеr lunch down there at the bonanza for thе Christmas buffet.'

No wonder all my relatives look like a herd of hogs. Good God! My aunt Debby don't start hitting the holiday salad bar, she's gonna explode on Christmas Day and splatter us all with half-digested pancakes and cheese grits!

The holiday at the relatives' has turned into a food and fart fest, it's ridiculous
'Merry Christmas!' (fart)
'What the hell? Hey Uncle Wayde, pass the finger weiners! Thanks! Who wants taters?' (fart)
'Grandma!'
'Boy, they's plenty of ham balls!' (fart)
'Eat up! Hey, wash that sandwich down with a gallon of eggnog!' (fart)
'Boy, what a beautiful Christmas!'

Tell you what. Next Christmas, I'm gonna stay home and eat a dadgum celery stick. This is ridiculous. Git-R-Done