Christmas Commentary

What the hell is this, Russia? Nobody says 'Merry Christmas' no more. It's 'Happy Holidays' or 'Xmases' not to offend nobody. These political correct Christmas queers can take their Happy Holidays and stick 'em up their humbug ass. Happy Holidays! Hope every political-correct-1990s moron chokes on some figgy pudding this year. Whatever the hell that is. I guaran-damn-tee ya me and my buddies is gonna keep alive the traditions and 'Merry Christmas' the hell out of everybody. That's right

I was part of the live Nativity scene at the church this year. Got bitched at. Here I'm trying to do a good job at the Nativity scene. The preacher comes out and says, 'I don't think the wise men ought to be out here drinking beer.' It's ridiculous. 'It's cold out here, preacher. This beer is keeping me warm. Supposed to be a wise man, not a jackass.'

Folks say, 'But Larry, what about the folks that don't believe in the Lord Jesus?' Well then, I say, 'Stay out of the Walmart and Targets and quit blocking traffic so us Christian believers can get good deals!' God dang, what a bunch of hypocrites. They don't want Christmas but yet they want to take advantage of the good Christmas prices. Let me tell you political correct scumbags something. Half-off and 20% off is for believers of Jesus! All you Allah and Buddha bastards either pay full price or get the hell out of the store! It's 'Merry Christmas'! I swear, sometimes in this country you think IQ of folks is like that of a short bus retards

Look, let me tell you something. If it weren't for Jesus, alright, there'd be no holidays. And it says in the Bible there in one of the Johns there about Christmas. Says there in the red words, it says, uh, about the Lord there and the pilgrims and about them Indians eating turkeys and... You know the verse, I don't gotta quote the verse. But let me tell you political correctors something. You can kiss my Yuletide ass! I say let's 'Hark the Herald'! Whatever that means

It's cut and dried. If you don't like Christmas, fine. But don't ruin it for everybody else. Like Charles Manson said to his security guard, quote, 'Happy Holidays!' Unquote

Git-R-Done!