Santy Claus, Santy Claus

Good Lord, my dad's a gynecologist and he can't drive no more. He got tunnel vision. *laughs* That's funny! That ain't very Christmasy, but that's funny

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, up in the air
Delivering all kinds of goodies to kids everywhere

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, landing on my house
Sliding down the chimney, quiet as a mouse

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, sleigh up on lifts
Rudolph's wearing the rebel flag and his hat says 'Grits-N-Tits'

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, sliding down the chimney without fear
Don't do that in San Francisco butt-first, Santy Claus; there's too many queers

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, stirring under the tree
Is he leaving a toolbox or is he taking a pee?

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, you fatter than I thought
You need to stay away from them cookies I bought

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, lighting farts in the kitchen
Throwing out big flames, man, it was bitching

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, going back to the sled
He just strangled Tickle Me Elmo under the tree and left him for dead

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, leaving with them deers
Careful, Rudolph; old Santy Claus has had too many beers

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, I seen him go by
Down to the bad, shady part of town; hell, he's just a regular guy

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, he's waving at cars
He's done for the night; son of a bitch is headed for titty bars

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, take off that red suit
And put on this hat and them Wrangler jeans and Gila Lizard boots

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, lets stop at K-mart
Get some cologne; damn, you smell like deer farts

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, let's party all night
Then let's go to Denny's; shoot, we'll do it up right

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, I ate a Grand Slam without any trouble
Then this morning I was sick, pooped a [???]

Santy Claus, Santy Claus, I heard you say as you left the room
'Merry Christmas, fartknockers,' and I hope ya'll have many more

Santy Claus, Santy Claus