Gift-Giving

What the hell is this? Russia?

You know, you give out top-notch, top-of-the-line, fancy Christmas gifts for Christmas, and folks just toss 'em aside like a plate of tomat-ers. Shoot, see if I spend good money anymore on my ungrateful relatives

So I didn't wrap 'em up fancy. Big deal! I didn't have no tape and I had to get rid of some of them Winn-Dixie bags. And that set of fingernail clippers I give my brother wasn't no easy gift to get. God dang! I stood in line for damn near 25 minutes at the Lil' Champ to get them sumbitches. At least I made an effort for Christmas. He ain't еven give me nothing but pain in thе ass

Then, my sister. Oh boy. She gets mad 'cause I gived her Mexican boyfriend a set of jumper cables and one of them car deodorant crowns. What the hell? It's for his dashboard. I thought that'd be nice! You know? But no, I get bitched at, and for what? Giving practical gifts. Hell, I don't know what Mexicans want for Christmas. They's always bitching for something. Asking for jumper cables or joints or something. And I'll be damned if I'm sticking a bag of seedless under the Christmas tree

I do apologize to my little nephew, though, for forgetting to poke holes in that box I put her hamster in. Poor little hamster. I should've put it under the tree early. Damn thing must have died quick 'cause we had to have... have little Doreen open it up two days before Christmas 'cause it was starting to stink and collect ants. Next time, I'm gonna be more careful with the breathing gifts

But my ungrateful family can kiss my rock-hard, [???]-looking, egg-cracking ass! I done give some good thoughtful gifts this year, and if they don't like 'em, give 'em back! Tell you what, I could use them fingernail clippers! Like my mom said after opening a gift I got her for her birthday, quote: 'Oh, look! Teriyaki jerky!' Unquote. Boy, that's good commentary. Git-R-Done!