The Worst Dentist I’ve Been To

Went in for a checkup the other day, doctor stuck his finger up my hind end there. Don't even warn me, just does it. You know? I'm like, 'You gonna watch the ballgame on Saturday- Oh! Aah! What in the world? Ugh, thought Casper the queer ghost come up behind me back there or something! I knew he was a friendly ghost, that's a little too friendly right there!'

Then he said he found something. I'm like, 'Found something? I didn't even know you was looking for nothing up there! Now I'm all bent out of shapе, what's in my hind end? I hope it's the rеmote control, I ain't seen it all week! No wonder every time I fart, the volume goes up on that TV set over there! I was wondering! Found something in my hind end.' Oh, that was the worst dentist I've been to in five years.

Then the government lies to us. 'Well, we were gonna kill Saddam Hussein, but we can't find him.' Can't find him? Larry King interviewed him three months ago. Dang, give Larry a knife and stab that idiot, he's sitting right there! I mean, do something, damn! Yeah. What the hell is this, Russia? I mean, take that towel off his head and snap his hind end with it a couple of times, you know? Do something!

And don't get mad at me! Saddam Hussein's a killer. God forbid I called him names. I ain't talking about the good people over there, I've got nothing against them. It's Saddam Hussein! You know, God bless the people over there. I hope they all get new wicker baskets full of snakes for Christmas, alright? I got... I got no beef towards them over there, you know? They... They can fly their carpet wherever they want to. I ain't... you know? I got no troubles with them folks over there.