Can’t Understand My Accent

The girl I'm with now gets mad at me. Says she can't understand my accent. Better than my brother, he don't even move his lips. I ain't kidding. I was like, 'You wanna go to the store?' He's like, '[barely intelligible] No, y'all go over there. I'm gonna go over here and do what I wanna do over here. Y'all wanna, oh oh oh oh...' My dad thought that was funny. I done that at one of my programs my dad was at and made fun of my brother. He loved it. He come up to me, he's laughing, he's like, '(laughs) [unintelligible gibberish]' I tell you what... That was funnier than a retard eating hot wings, I tell you what. That was... that was funny. Yeah. Ugh.

It was my parent's anniversary a while back. It was a big deal, you know, it's their 50th anniversary. We get all dressed up... and sure enough, we pull away, they forget a lot of our food in the bag there. And, uh... So we gotta pull all the way back around there, you know... gotta pick up two more burgers and some ketchup packets.

They's a lot of dumb people out there, I tell you what. They's a fella down in Florida, stripped naked and swam with the killer whale at SeaWorld and it killed him... duh! Alright? And now, the parents is suing SeaWorld! Said there wasn't enough warning signs. What in the- Ain't the word 'killer whale'... enough of a warning to keep your waterhead kid out of the fishtank down there? I mean, you ain't gotta be head cashier at the Walmart to figure out you... you don't swim with the killer shark fish up there.