I Made The Bigg Times Now

Thank you!
Appreciate it!
Git-R-Done! But it's good to be here, I tell you
When I come in here this evening and see my name out front in magic marker, boy I tell you what. Daggone
I made the big times now
Haha
Tears roll down my eyeballs
I was wetter than a bus-load of fat woman on the way to see the Ricky Martin, I tell you what, I was...
A-ha-ha
That's pretty happy right there, now
Haha-ha. I don't care who you are, that's pretty funny right there, now
That's right

I apologize for my outfit, I just come from a wedding
I had to take my dad, he can't drive no more
He's a gynecologist, and, uh, he's starting to get tunnel vision
Haha, that's funny
Haha
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there, now
That's funny right there
That'd be a good job, gynecologist, now
I'd be early for work every day at that job

"Why you going to work it's three o'clock in the morning!"
"I know, I gotta get there."

I used to date a girl that had one boob bigger than the other boob, and, uh, she got in a wet T-shirt contest, and, uh, come home with first and third place out there at the contest out there
I tell you...
I tell you, I was so proud of my sister, I tell you what
She's uh...she's a good girl, now, I tell you what
I tell you what
She felt a lump on her breast the other day, went to the doctor, and found out her wisdom boobs is coming in there
Went out to take the pliers, pull them out, you know

I don't like the fake ones, do you like the fake ones?
I don't like them
If I had a dollar for every fake boob I tongue-kissed last week, I'd have--well, I wouldn't have any money or nothing, I'm just saying
I don't like the fake boobs, you know?
I went out with this one girl, had one of them beauty marks like Cindy Crawford
Now that's sexy right there, now
Git-R-Done, you know
I get to kissin' her, it was a tick!
Oh, man
Ugh. I tell you, I had to burn it out with a lighter, you know, she...oh...she's like
"You're singeing my beard!
You're singeing my beard!"
You know?
I tell you what, I was madder than a skinhead watching The Jeffersons, I tell you what
I was--that's funny
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there, now
Yeah, but I shouldn't--Lord, I apologize for talking about the skinhead watching the Jeffersons
And be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen. That's right