Keanu Man (live at MarsCon 2006)

(We hear members of the All-Keanu Choir talking to each other)

It's three o'clock on a Saturday
The matinee show up ahead
I was a young boy sitting in a movie theater
Seeing a film about Bill and Ted

TED: Iron Maiden?
BILL & TED: EXCELLENT!

They said, wow, the adventure was excellent
And the sequel soon showed at the mall
Found out later the fact was that one of the actors
Was not even acting at all

ALL-KEANU CHOIR: Dude dude dude, dude dude dude…
Dude dude, dude dude dude dude dude…

Act in a film, you're the Keanu man
And you'll be a big movie star
Just as long as you're playing a brain-dead valley boy
Cause that's exactly what you are

KEANU: Hello. I am Keanu Reeves. I am a movie actor. All the ladies seem to think I'm cute. Some of the men do too. But I am not gay. I am Keanu Reeves. And I'm cute. Give me a dollar

Now Hollywood saw he was handsome
And the girls all wish they were his wife
So they signed him up quickly for flick after flick
Though he couldn't act to save his life

KEANU: Pop Quiz? Okay, I'll take Pepsi!

Yes, in "Speed" he was a hot shot detective
A coincidence there through and through
Cause while fifty was the speed that the bus traveled at
It turns out it's also his I.Q..

ALL-KEANU CHOIR: Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah…
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah…

Act in a film, you're the Keanu man
Act as if you actually can
You showed "Dracula" just how damn dumb you are when
You said, "Dude, you're pale, go get a tan!"

KEANU: I have a band now. It's called "Dog Star". Here's a hit song! "I love you dude, dude, dude! I love you dude, dude, dude! I love you dude, dude, dude!" We're pretty good huh?

In "Devil's Advocate" you tried to act southernly
Al Pacino laughed right in your face
And in "Johnny Mnemonic", you were so moronic
With your head filled up with cyber-space

KEANU: I know Hong Kong Phooey!

Now Keanu makes films like "The Matrix"
And the movies make millions of bucks
Packed in the cineplex, they watch special effects
While they all say his acting still sucks

ALL-KEANU CHOIR: Whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa… Whoa!
Whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa…

Act in a film, you're the Keanu man
Your redemption's so simple you see
Just call up your old friend Alex Winter and then
Go and start filming "Bill and Ted, Three"!

BILL & TED: EXCELLENT!
TED: Bill, I can't believe we're starring in "Bill and Ted Go to Mars"!
BILL: Yes, it promises to be a most triumphant film!
TED: Let's start our big interstellar concert!
BILL: I am Bill S. Preston Esquire!
TED: And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan!
BILL: And we are
BILL & TED: WYLD STALLYNS! (guitar sounds)