To Feel Again

INT. GIDEON’S MASTER BEDROOM

TV
But did not make it. The driver died on impact.

ANDREW
Dad.

GIDEON
Come on in.

ANDREW
I'm sorry I woke you up.

GIDEON
No, I was just reading. Where have you been?

ANDREW
Everywhere. Been on sort of a crazy journey these last couple days.

GIDEON
You've been avoiding me.

ANDREW
No, I haven't been.

GIDEON
Come on.

ANDREW
Okay, maybe I have been.

GIDEON
I'm sure you can find lots of things in your life that you can be angry about. But what I do not understand is why you're so angry at me. All I ever wanted was for everyone to be happy again. That's all I ever wanted.

ANDREW
When were we all ever happy, Dad? You always say that, but when was that? When was this time that we were all so happy? 'Cause I don't have it in my memory. Maybe if I did, I could help steer us back there. But I just… You know, you and I need to work on being okay. if that's not in the cards for us.

GIDEON
Well, we might have a shot at it...if you can forgive yourself for what you did.

ANDREW
What I did. What I did. Okay, let's-let's do it. Okay, we're here, right? Le-Let's do it! I'm gonna forgive myself for what I did. Are you ready? I was a little boy, and somebody made a shitty latch. That's what I think. That's what I think about the whole thing, okay? And I'm not gonna take those drugs anymore. They left me completely fuckin' numb. I have felt so fucking numb to everything I have experienced in my life, okay? And for that... For that, I'm here to forgive you. You always said all you wanted was for us to have whatever it is we wanted. Maybe what Mom wanted more than anything was for it to all be over. And for me... what I want more than anything in the world is for it to be okay with you. For me to feel something again. Even if it's pain.

GIDEON
Well, you're going against your doctor's recommendation. That's a pretty weighty experiment to take on, don't you think?

ANDREW
This is my life, Dad. This is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start. So, no, no, I don't think it's too much to take on... because it's everything there is. I see now it's all there is. You and I are going to be okay. You know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but, for the first time, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are. And that'll be better, okay? I think that'll be better.