Burying the Hamster

INT. SAM’S BEDROOM - CONTINUED

SAM
So, uh...I gotta go bury this hamster before the dogs eat him. Wanna help? Hmm?

EXT. SAM’S BACKYARD [Sam and Andrew walk a little and enter into a small – gated cemetery]

ANDREW
Wow.

SAM
Yeah.

ANDREW
I mean, this is, uh...

SAM
I know. It's not that we're bad pet owners or anything. It's just, you know, we've had so many of them over the years. Besides, a lot of these are fish.

SAM
After you. All right.

SAM
Sit down. What are you thinking about?

ANDREW
Now?

SAM
Yeah.

ANDREW
Right now?

SAM
Yeah.

ANDREW
Right now, I was thinking I've been going to a lot of these things lately.

SAM
What, dates?

ANDREW
Not dates. Is this a date? This isn't a date. Funerals.

SAM
Why? Who else died?

ANDREW
Oh, uh... That's why I'm home actually. I guess I haven't even told you that yet. Um... My mom just died. God, that's weird to say that out loud, but, uh... “My mom just died.” And, uh... Yeah, that's why I'm home.

SAM
I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry. And here I am, like, putting you through another one of these. Not that Jelly's like anywhere near your mom's. I mean, we loved Jelly but... I'm so sorry.

ANDREW
No, it's okay. It's all right. I'm all right with it. Anyway, I think it's what she wanted, so...

SAM
How'd she die?

ANDREW
She drowned actually. Yeah, my, uh... My mother was a paraplegic. She was in a wheelchair so she, uh... You know, and, uh... I guess she was taking a bath... and she must have slipped or something. That's what they say. I don't... I don't know. But... needless to say, she drowned and... that's how she...sh-she died.

SAM
When?

ANDREW
This was, uh... Sunday.

SAM
Oh, my God.

ANDREW
Why are you crying?

SAM
I don't know. I'm sorry. Because... I'm not usually like this. It's just like... It's just so sad. You know, it's like... It's so tragic, isn't it? It is. It's like... It's like real life tragedy or something.

ANDREW
Anyway, let's change the subject, okay? Let's really bring the focus back to Jelly… 'cause what could be ruder than talking about someone else who died... when you're in the act of burying a close friend?

SAM
Well, what should we do?

ANDREW
I don't know. I've only been to one of these things. You appear to be the expert.

SAM
Well, we usually say something. Okay, uh,

ANDREW
I'll go first. Um... Didn't really know you, Jelly. From what I hear, you were a good pet. Little trouble with the wheel but...

SAM
That's not funny. Jelly, you were a great pet. I'm sorry I forgot to take the wheel out of your cage. I'm so, so sorry about that. Good-bye. I hope that you liked me.

INT. LARGEMAN MANSION: KITCHEN [Andrew is in the fridge searching for something to eat. He closes the fridge and his father appears in the opening.]

ANDREW
Holy shit! You scared the shit out of me. Why are you always doing that?

GIDEON
I haven't seen you in a while.

ANDREW
I know. I've been catching up with people around here.

GIDEON
Dr. Cohen called. There's nothing wrong with you.

ANDREW
Yeah, I think I'm starting to figure that out myself.

GIDEON
When are you thinking of leaving?

ANDREW
Uh, probably tomorrow. Um, you know, I got a lot of stuff I got to take care of in L.A. Probably have to find a new job, so...

GIDEON
We need to talk.

ANDRE
Yeah, uh, how? I mean, when?

GIDEON
What are you doing... now? Uh, now's not so good. I told my friend Mark, I was gonna meet up with him. But how about, uh, like later tonight?

GIDEON
Okay. Then we'll talk.

ANDREW
Yeah.

GIDEON
We owe that to each other.

ANDREW
Yeah.

GIDEON
We owe it to her.

ANDREW
Yeah.

GIDEON
Good. Sorry I scared you.

EXT. THE CEMETERY

MARK
How could you leave all that lithium? I was totally going to hit you up for some, man.

JESSE
This fucking guy. I'm glad you're back, man. This town is so messed up. Everyone's got their drug of choice. It's like in Brave New World. You ever read that book? Who wrote that? Um, Aldous... Aldous something. Aldous, uh... Anyway...there's like Alphas and Betas and Epsilons and all sorts of people. Huxtable. Aldous Huxtable. That's it, bro.