Laughing and Crying

INT. BAR - NIGHT

ANDREW
I don't know. It was the only thing I ever liked doing. Pretending to be someone else. I've been so out of it lately, the only parts I get offered are playing handicapped people. [Sam laughs] That is not funny.

SAM
Oh, come on. You gotta see that's a joke. If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

ANDREW
All right, so what are we laughing at you about?

SAM
Mm. I lied again. I have epilepsy.

ANDREW
Which part are we laughing about?

SAM
I, um... I had a seizure at the law office where I work. And they told me their insurance wouldn't cover me unless I wore preventative covering.

ANDREW
What's preventative covering?

SAM
The helmet I was wearing. Oh, come on! That's funny. That's really funny. I mean, I'm the only person who wears a helmet to work... who isn't, like, putting out fires, or, like, racing for NASCAR.

ANDREW
Well, what do you do? I mean,

SAM
I can't quit. Their insurance is amazing.

ANDREW
What do you do?

SAM
You laugh, you know? I'm not saying I don't cry. But in-between, I laugh. And I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. Feels pretty good.

ANDREW
I haven't cried since I was a little kid. I didn't cry at my mother's funeral. I tried, you know? I thought of all the saddest things I could think of. Like, things in movies, this... There's this image from Life magazine that's always haunted me. I just focused in on it, you know? But nothing came. That actually made me sadder than anything... the fact that I just felt so numb.

SAM
What do you mean?

ANDREW
Just that...

MARK
Hey, Vagina.!

ANDREW
Hey, what's up, guys? Uh, Sam, that's Mark, Dave and you remember Jesse.

MARK
Hey.

DAVE
What's up?

MARK
Hey, nice to meet you. I'm sorry I said "vagina" just now. I didn't know you were here.

SAM
Oh, that's okay.

MARK
Nice. Let's get fucked up.