Kenny the Cop

INT. THE GARAGE – NIGHT TIME [Andrew uncovers a WWII army motorcycle. "Caring Is Creepy" by The Shins plays.]

INT. THE STREETS [Andrew picks the speed up on a dark lonely road and gets pulled over by a police car.]

KENNY
Put your hands on your head, please.

ANDREW
What?

KENNY
I said put your motherfucking hands on your head! Please. Eighty-two in a 25. What are you gonna tell me, you're late or just tired?

ANDREW
I was...

KENNY
Shut the fuck up! Largeman?

ANDREW
Kenny?

KENNY
Holy shit!

KENNY
Oh, man. How you doing?

ANDREW
I'm... I'm great.

KENNY
Your mom just died!

ANDREW
I know.

KENNY
I mean, that's why you're home.

ANDREW
Yeah. Yup. You're a cop, Kenny?

KENNY
Yeah, I know. I know.

ANDREW
Why?

KENNY
I don't know. Couldn't think of anything better to do. No, but it's really cool though, man. People really listen to you. I mean...they have to! Yo, and check this shit out. [Shows him the gun] That's the safety .

ANDREW
Oh, cool.

KENNY
And plus, the benefits, man. If I get shot, I'm like...rich!

ANDREW
But, Kenny, the last time I saw you, you were doing coke lines off a urinal.

KENNY
La, la, la, la. No, I had to grow up, man. It's time to grow up. Plus, I wasn't making shit in that fish market. No one knew who I was, couldn't get laid. It's a much better situation for me, man. Speaking of which, um, how'd I do?

ANDREW
What do you mean?

KENNY
I don't know.

KENNY
You know, just the whole...

ANDREW
You mean, like, as a cop?

KENNY
Yeah. The whole, "Shut the fuck up!"

ANDREW
Well, I thought you were a dick, so I guess that's good.

KENNY
Nice. So, what the fuck, man? You're this huge movie star now? I heard you did some...you played a big football player or something. I didn't see it.

ANDREW
It was just this thing...

KENNY
Fucking De Niro and shit.

ANDREW
What?

KENNY
He's awesome.

ANDREW
Yeah.

KENNY
Deer Hunter.

ANDREW
Yeah.

KENNY
Man, we should sit down and we should talk...because I've got some really good ideas for movies. You could play me and shit. Poof! Stories from the Force! Yeah.

ANDREW
Yeah, definitely. That sounds good.