Officer Nigger Hater

But ah... I was over there, I was over there when all the riots were occurring, man. It was really strange. An’ I got to see while I was over there ah footage of the Rodney King trial, which I had never seen while I was here. I saw footage over there of the Rodney King trial. I think I figured out why the LA riots occurred. Did you guys see these cops testifyin’, man? Did these guys have balls, or what, man? These guys carry their balls in a wheelbarrow, man.

‘’Scuse me, ’scuse me . . . Man with big balls is here to testify.’
‘Place your right testicle on the Bible.’
(whoosh, crash)

This guy, Officer Coon… Is life too fucking weird or what? Officer Coon looks in the camera and actually says, ‘Oh, that Rodney King beating tape? It’s all in how you look at it.’ Courtroom murmurs, ‘Jesus, what balls! I’ve never seen balls of this magnitude, this... he must have a specially fitted uniform . . . in which to place these large testicles. That’s... that’s incredible.’

‘All in how you look at it, Officer... Coon?’
‘That’s right. It’s how you look at the tape.’
‘Well, would you care to tell the court (incredulously) how... you’re lookin’ at that?’
‘Yeah OK, sure. It’s how you look at it... the tape. For instance, well, if you play it backwards you see us help King up and send him on his way.’
‘Hmmmm. Not guilty!’ (bang)
‘’Scuse me, ’scuse me... Man with big balls has just been acquitted.’

And I watch all the news reports, you know.

‘Today Officer Coon, Officer Nigger Hater and Officer Keep Darkie Down... were acquitted on all racist charges. Here’s Tom with the weather.’
‘Hi Susie, it’s 420 degrees Fahrenheit here in South Central LA right now. Probably a good time to get outta the fuckin’ city, Susie. There’s gusts of lead coming up Sunset.’

And then President Bush ah came out, and said, you know, not to worry, the justice system wasn’t done with those cops yet. Yeah. In fact, Bush called together a special committee made up of the surviving members of the Warren Commission to review all the evidence. Yeah. Yeah, well. They came up with the Magic Baton Theory. One baton blow just went outta hand.
‘See it, it’s bouncin’ off his head – help! Would you believe I’m tryin’ to stop it? Help me! Help me!’
‘I’m gettin’ my big balls away from that stick. Officer Keep Darkie Down, get Officer Nigger Hater to help ya.’
‘Come on, Officer Coon!’

Whoa! Whoa! Aah…