As Long as We’re Talking Shelf Life (Kennedy)

Bill: Boy, I love talkin’ about the Kennedy Assassination, man. That’s my favourite topic. You know why?
Audience: Why?
Bill: Because for me it’s a great archetypal example of how the totalitarian government who rules this planet partitions out information in such a way that we, the masses, are forced to base our conclusions on erroneous— Oh, I’m sorry, wrong meeting. I thought this was the meeting ah... at the docks, you know? Oh, shit. That’s tomorrow night. All right. (laughs) Everyone followed that, that’s the frightening fuckin’ thing. Everyone here’s going, ‘Ah-huh.’ Goddamn it! Are we that cynical? ‘Yes we are, Bill. We will take any blow you give us. GO! We too will be at the meeting at the docks tomorrow, you fucker.’ That was funny. Every one of ya, ‘What was?’ Wow. Cool.

But I, I love Kennedy, man. I was just down in ah, just up in where, I was just in Dallas, and ah... you know, you can go to the sixth floor of the School Book Depository. D’you know it’s a museum called the Assassination Museum? D’you know that? True. I believe named that after the assassination, I... can’t be sure of the chronology here, but... But it’s really weird, you can actually ah, they have the windows set up to look exactly like it did on that day, and it’s really accurate, you know, ‘cause Oswald’s not in it. (laughs) Yeah. So. I don’t know who did their research, but I’m talkin’ painstaking detail. It’s true, man. It’s called the Sniper’s Nest and it’s all glassed in with the boxes sittin’ there; you can’t actually get to the window. And the reason they did that of course, they didn’t want thousands of American tourists getting to that window each year, you know, going, ‘There’s no fuckin’ way! I can’t even see the road! Oh my God, they’re lyin’. It’s a giant totalitarian government that rules the planet via the airwaves, partitioning off information in such a way—’ Oh! There’s no fuckin’ way, man. Not unless Oswald was hanging by his toes... upside down from the ledge. Surely someone would have seen this. Either that or some pigeons grabbed on to him, and flew him over the motorcade. You know, there was rumors of anti-Castro pigeons seen drinking in bars the night before the assassination. Someone overheard them saying, ‘Coup! Coup!’ Aww... all right. Don’t get on your we-hate-puns high horse. Fuck you! That is the best goddamn pun you will ever hear! Oh God. (laughs) Was kind of a rotten trick to make a pun out of that, wasn’t it? ‘You— ohhhh. Jackin’ with us, man.’ But you know, Oswald... I tell you seriously, man, talkin’ about the Kennedy assassination, ‘cause to me it really is this incredible example of something. I don’t know what yet. It’s pretty . . . engrossing to me. But ah, people’s attitudes – it’s just incredible to me, you know. People come up and, ‘Bill, quit talkin’ about Kennedy, man. Let it go. It’s a long time ago, would you just forget about it?’ I’m like, ‘OK, then don’t bring up Jesus to me... you know, as long as we’re talking shelf life here.’

‘Bill, you know Jesus died for you.’
‘Yeah, it was a long time ago. Let it go. Forget about it.’

How ’bout this: get Pilate to release the fucking files. Quit washing your hands and release the files, Pilate. Who else was on that grassy Golgotha that day? Oh yeah, the three Roman peasants with the hundred-dollar sandals. Yeah, right!