Deficit (Jesse Helms)

You know what I mean? You want a better world, ladies and gentlemen? Legalize pot, right now. You wanna end the deficit? Legalize pot right now. I am so sick of hearing about the goddamn deficit, I could fucking puke blood! *mimics vomiting* There ain't no fucking deficit. It’s a fucking lie and it's a fucking illusion in the first place. But you wanna end it? You wanna end it? Legalize pot. Biggest cash crop in America. Deficit's gone.

But I am so sick of hearing about... "Well, your leaders misspent your hard-earned tax dollars so you the people... now have to tighten your belts... and we gotta start paying this back, because we, your leaders, misspent your money." You know what’d make tightening my belt a little easier? If I could tighten it around Jesse Helms' scrawny little chicken-neck. "Unh! I feel better about the sacrifice right now! You fucking tobacco-pushing motherfucker... You are the worst fucking drug dealer in the fucking world... You scrawny, right-wing, fear-mongering piece of... sucker of Satan's cock! You suck Satan's cock, you fucking chicken-neck little fucking cracker!" I'd tighten my belt if that were the case. I'd eat baloney for a week, you know what I mean? I'd sacrifice.

Boy, Jesse Helms is another great one, isn't he? Just another little fevered ego tainting our collective unconscious. ’cause you know anyone - like Swaggart - anyone that far to the right is hiding a very deep and dark secret. You do know that, right? I’m an armchair fucking, uh, psychologist, but... anyone that f- You know when Jesse Helms... finally dies... He's gonna commit suicide, first of all, in a washtub out back underneath a pecan tree. He’s gonna slash his wrist and he's gonna write in blood, "I've been a bad boy..." But you know they're gonna find the skins of young children drying in his attic... swarms of horseflies going in and out of the eves. And on CNN, over and over, his wife going, "I always wondered about Jesse’s collection of little shoes." Anyone that far to the right is fucking hiding a deep, dark secret.