Popping The Bubble Wrap

I look like a penis trying to run
And i have to force myself
Not to peel other people's sunburns
And if anything touches the counter, i won't eat it
And don't get me started on cups and glasses
And i see flies everywhere
Out of the corners of my eyes
And my nerves feel like steel wool in a microwave oven
And i think i'm going blind in one eye
And my swiffer smells like dog piss
And my gag reflex is triggering
And my whole body starts shutting down
If someone leaves the toilet seat up
I use oxy pads on everything
And i think i'm mentally handicapped
I just never realized it before
And someone called me a loser on the internet
And i can't get over it
And my eyes won't focus
And i have crazy eyes
When i hear the dog coughing
I feel like i'm gonna puke
And i check my social media sites all day long
And the internet has given me permanent psychosis
And i can't stop thinking about other people's lives
The internet is poisonous
And i hate my nipples
And my brain feels like it is wiggling around
When i move my head
And i can't think about my intestines or i'll throw up
Oh good god! i have intestines..i have intestines!
And i think my house is haunted and it's cold in here
And i turn on the tv to trick my brain into leaving
And i have horrible everything
I have such an ugly punchable face
And i'm addicted to hairspray
And when i talk to people
I watch the shapes their tongues make
They aren't the one that's talking
It's the shapes that the tongues make
And the noise that comes out of the hole behind the teeth
It isn't them.. it's something.. it's some thing!
And there's no toilet paper
And i try to keep my eyes open as wide as i can
And i just hit the space-bar and backspace
3 times in a row, 5 times in a row
And i'm cleaning the bathroom
At 3am again and i'm so tired
And i'm having a brain aneurysm
And i keep hearing my mom telling me
Where the penis goes when you sleep
And i post hundreds of the cutest puppies
And no one gives a shit
And i count the cheerios until i'm suicidal
And when i see blue skies i just want to kill myself
The sound of cellophane makes me want to claw my face off
And i get dizzy if i smell peanut butter
And door knobs have ruined my life
And right before i orgasm i have intrusive thoughts
About a man who murdered someone in my neighborhood
And i'm addicted to sleeping pills
And i ate three boxes of honey-buns
Three times a day for three weeks straight
And i'm always thinking "what if?" .. "what if?"
Shut up! shut up!
I don't shut my drawers if i'm thinking something bad
And if i have a bath i have to wash my hands after
And dry them on the towel
Then wash them again after i touched the towel
And i can waste entire days like this
And if i drop something on the floor
I consider it gone forever
And i pull all the kleenex out of the box
Just to verify them
Where does the penis go?
Shut up mom!
I have to go check the cupboards again
And i'm constantly clearing my throat
And it drives everyone crazy
And i can never get all the pee out
And i go through tweezers like no tomorrow
And i can't stop popping the bubble wrap
I carry bubble wrap with me everywhere i go
Which is nowhere except back to bed
And i tried to drown my dog
In a large ziploc bag full of pineapple juice
And i said, "i'm so sorry! i'm so sorry!"
And now when he smells pineapple
He just lays on the linoleum and pretends he's dead