My Cousin Harris

Clap if you still haven’t seen the Dark Knight yet. (claps from audience) What the fuck is wrong with you people? That movie is incredible. My favorite review of that movie is by my little cousin named Harris. He’s fourteen years old and lives in Georgia. I love Harris because he has really odd choices of entertainment. His favorite TV show is an hour-long drama on USA and TNT. You know how you see billboards for shows like Burn Notice and you say who the hell watches Burn Notice? (shouts loudly) HARRIS WATCHES BURN NOTICE! He loves it. Harris told me his senior quote is going to be “TNT knows drama.” You call up Harris and you’re like, “Harris what’s going on?” and he’s like, “I’m pissed off man. My dad erased all my shows off my DVR. I guess I won’t find out what happens on Las Vegas this week.” Who DVR’s Las Vegas? Josh Duhamel doesn’t DVR Las Vegas. And you don’t get that joke because Josh Duhamel’s the star of Las Vegas and nobody watches Las Vegas! So I ask Harris:

(holds hand up to ear like talking on phone)

Aziz: “Hey Harris, did you like the Dark Knight?

Harris: “Yeah!”

A: “Is it better than Burn Notice?”

H: “Yeah!”

A: “Is it better than Las Vegas?”

H: “Yeah!”

A: “Is it better than Cinnabon?”

H: “No!”

(end of conversation)

I knew that would get him because he’s a chubby guy and he loves shoving Cinnabons into that little chubby face (motions towards face like eating food and says nom nom nom) and I love that about him, I love that he’s chubby because there’s not a lot of chubby Indian kids. Most of them are small and skinny like me but every now and then you see a chubby one and it’s awesome! It’s kinda like seeing a shooting star only its fat, brown, and on the ground.