Lincoln

Lincoln, Lincoln, I know what you're thinkin'
Livin' in Lincoln ain't cool
But come to a place where pianos are plinkin'
Lincoln's Cathedral School

The teachers are friendly, the choirboys polite
And they sing to each other most every night
Ahhahahahahaha

And they churn out good men who've got hardly a kink in
But a strong fair of girls is alright
So I'll send my child to the choir school in Lincoln
The atmosphere's simply unique
The old-fashioned inkwells no longer have ink in
They threw out the quills just last week

The gamesmaster once played for Lincoln FC
Till he tripped on his shoe lace and fractured his knee
And the strawberry custard's got far too much pink in
But it just tastes of childhood to me

Eaton is easily beaten
And Harrow's too narrow for me
I'll entrust my child's formative years to a staff room with one GCE
But there's a whole 'nother Lincoln beyond the school gates
The bright lights are blinkin', adventure awaits

Lincoln, Lincoln, where are glasses are clinkin'
You're famous for history and pork
With restaurants for eating and winebaths for drinking
And much less graffiti than York
You never display a provincial mindset (No!)
For you've two Trusthouse Fortes, a Yates, and a Pret
And though your water supply has high levels of zinc in
It's hardly killed anyone yet

Lincoln, Lincoln, where car crime is shrinkin'
With thirteen protected car parks
Your drunkards are winkin', your tramps ain't too stinkin'
But still, don't go out after dark
And every September a foot-and-mouth cull
No, there's never a moment that's boring or dull
And the ODEON Cinema is still showing Krull

And by the same token
You've found a new slogan:
"Lincoln, it's better than Hull!" (It's better than Hull!)