Hoodies

They're ugly, thick, and mouthy, disrespectful, crude, and rough
The boys should be in Borstal, and the girls are up the duff
Whether kicking in a toddler, or smashing a phonebooth
You simply can't ignore them, for these kids are Britain's youth
But

Don't blame them when they stab you for your phone
And then use it to take footage of your final gurgling moan
While they're shitting on your roses, and shagging on your lawn
Simply blame the liberal media and ubiquity of porn

So don't cross the road when you see them
Advancing with their nasty metal bars
For beneath those scary hoodies are just poor misunderstood-ies
Who happen to like stealing people's cars

So don't blame them when they sodomize your gran
Blame their lack of moral fiber on their lack of daily bran
If they douse your dog in petrol, it's the teachers you should blame
So bemoan the new curriculum when Spot bursts into flame

If they try to rob your farmhouse, simply load and take your aim
And if you end up in prison then you've just yourself to blame
But

Don't blame them if by 2043, the cream of our society has turned to Dairylea
Though it might seem Daily Mail-ish to make such a fiddly-dee
I only wrote this song because the fuckers bully me
Teenagers bully me