Get Tight

Chick was at a bar, and she was telling her friend who was sitting there with her
She said, "You know, I don't wanna get tight"
So her friend sitting there looked over at her, she said, "I don't wanna get tight"
She got up and went to the ladies room
While she was gone, the bartender leaned over to the fella
He said, "Listen, she may get drunk, but she ain't gon' never get tight, in life"
I like drunk stories
There was two drunks sitting on the curb, and one of 'em had his finger in the other one's rear
No, had his finger—and the cop walked up and said, "What are you doing?"
He said, "My buddy is sick, and I want him to throw up"
He said, "Well, hell, that ain't no way to make him throw up"
He said, "Well, you wait 'til I switch this finger to his mouth"

A father received a letter from his son's college
He had to send his kid away to make nice money, you know
And the president of the college had asked the father to please come so he could talk to him about his son's behavior
And the father arrived at school about three or four days later
The president said, "I have bad news and good news"
He said, "The bad news is after being here two years, we've discovered that your son is a homosexual
Now, the good news is your son has been selected as Queen of the May"
I always like to do a few stories about those fellas, chicks too
There was a pretty chick sitting at the bar, and nobody could seem to move her
I mean, the bartender tried, couple waiters tried, couple of cats sitting around the bar tried to get her to make a move, nothing
And a cat walked in, strange cat, funny-looking cat, too
And he leaned over, she got up and they both split
A couple of cats sitting at the bar leaned over the bar, said, "Hey, man, what happened?
We've been trying to hit on this chick and this cat leaned right over, whispered to her, said something, and she gets up and leaves with him"
He said, "Well, he didn't say nothin', all he did was lick his eyebrows"
Did you hear me dear? All he did was lick his eyebrows
Where you from, Holy Mary of Trinity?