White Shit

[Segue]
I’m learning we’re different, yeah

[Bit: Wanda Sykes & Her Wife]
I was on my way home from, uh… I was on my way home, right?
I’m in the car, and my wife, she calls me in the car
She’s like

“Babe, uh… on your way home, uh, could you stop at the pharmacy and pick up this stuff? It’s called RID. Uh… There’s a problem at the school with the lice and the kids have the lice.”

I’m like
“What? Lice?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kids have the lice, I have the lice, you have the lice.”

“No, I don’t. No, I don’t.” “That’s some white shit.”

She’s like
“No, it’s a little bug in your hair.”

“Mm-mm. No, no, no, no. We don’t do that. I would choke the shit out of a lice. We don’t…” “That’s you and your inferior scalp. That's- We don’t do that.”

And, she’s like
“Will you pick it up?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll pick it up, and put it in the mailbox.” “I ain’t coming in that lice-y ass house. I ain’t coming in. I’ll be at Sabrina’s. Mm-mm.”

Then I thought, “Am I being ignorant? Maybe I’m being ignorant about this thing.” Right? So I called my friend, you know, she has a bunch of kids and stuff. I was like

“Hey, look, um, have you or any of your kids ever had a lice issue?”

She went, “Nah, girl, that’s some white shit.”

I was like

“That’s what I thought.” That’s what I thought.”

I knew it. I knew it. Mm-hmm. I was gonna Google it, but I figured, no, I knew, knew what I’m talking about. Knew that.”