Menopause

[Segue]
We’re all different, man
I feel different, I don’t even know who I am anymore, yeah
Going through menopause right now (I’m sorry)

Did you say sorry? Yeah, yeah. It’s the worst, Oh, my God, the hot flashes. Woo, The hot flashes are the worst
They’re crippling, all of a sudden, you just flop sweat
Sometimes, I feel like I’m going to pass out
They’re awful, They’re awful
There’s no way in the world men would put up with hot flashes
No way in the world
I think if a man had two hot flashes… they would blow the sun up

You’d go out and they got the missile pointed to the sun
“Hey, what are y’all doing?”

“Oh… Bob got hot.”

“Did you, Bob?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just… poof. It seemed like it started in my balls and just my balls got hot and just… Pfff, It was awful. We’re gonna turn that off.” “Cool it down. Cool it down.”

What the hell? I mean, ladies, come on. What kind… We got a shitty hand that we were dealt, right?
Is it a design flaw? What the fuck?
Okay, so let me get this straight, this is our plight, right?
Okay, so when you’re young, you’re fertile, you’re producing eggs, you’re bringing life into the world, right?
You’re bringing life into the world. And then you get older, no more eggs
You can’t bring any more life into the world… so they just set you on fire

What kind of shit is that?
You know, I’ve always said, you know what, the older I get, the less I care
But you know what? There’s science behind that
There’s science behind that, yeah
Because, when you’re young, right, your body is producing estrogen
Now, estrogen, that’s that hormone that makes you compassionate, makes you empathetic
Makes you say sorry all the damn time for no reason

Ladies, you know how many times we say sorry for no reason?
Like, even when it’s not your fault. Like, you’re at the grocery store, somebody runs into your ankle with the grocery cart and you’re like
“Ooh, ooh, sorry, my ankle was in your way.”

That’s that estrogen, and then, when you get older… it drastically reduces
You’re not producing estrogen like that anymore, yeah
So it’s not the older you get, the less you care
It’s the older you get, you’re just becoming a man

That’s why you don’t give a fuck

And becoming a man indeed
Oh, my God. If I go four days without tweezing…
I could have a nice situation going on right here
The other day, I pulled a hair out of my neck that was so long…
I thought my neck was growing bangs
I was like
“What the fuck is this? Ah! How long has this been here? I can see it out the corner of my eye. Ah!”