The Elastic Entertainer, Rubber Band

[RUBBER BAND, SPOKEN]
No, no, NO!
The star of the show isn't Mario you uncultured HACKS!
The real superstar...

...Is MEEEEEE!!

[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
Behold, the hero of the story!
Gaze upon my rubber glory!
Give me smiles
As I walk the aisle
And my radiance takes center stage!
Give me your cheers and adulation
For the elastic sensation
Now the whole entire nation
Watches your final page!

[RUBBER BAND, SPOKEN]
Behold the power of my rubber bands!
Let's see how well you take stage "direction!"
OHHH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
Raise the curtain, for your star is here!
The glorious Rubber Band!
Stand up and give a hand--Oh WAIT!
You're trapped in a full house, let me make it clear
You're stuck right to your seats
For a show that can't be beat!
You could never hope to face my might!
I'm rubber, and you're glue
Your moves bounce off and stick to you!
Now the stage is set for your final fight!
Roll the carpet, hear me sing!
Hail the Origami King!
[TOADS, SUNG]
Hey there, hi there, ho there, man!
Yank out all its rubber bands!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
Uh-uh! No talking in the show!
Just watch the end of Mario!
[TOADS, SUNG]
It's got us wrapped up in its trap!
Stretch it out, and let it snap!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
Gosh, your voices, they're so shrill!
They fill me with the urge to KILL!
Gag upon my elegance
My glory puts you in a trance
Your shootouts and your ballet dance
To my last act, don't stand a chance!
Here on my stage, you'll never win!
You have stretched my patience thin!
Now hear me croon in sweet iamb
You face the might of Rubber Band!
[TOADS, SUNG]
Go, Mario! You're the hero of the show!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
Stop cheering for this Philistine!
The spotlight should be mine, all MINE!
[TOADS, SUNG]
Go, Mario! You will save us all, we know!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
Sit down, SHUT UP!
He's not the lead!
Your wild applause should be for ME!!
[TOADS, SPOKEN]
Oh, YEAH?
What did YOU do?!
You hung out backstage the whole time!
[booing]
[RUBBER BAND, SPOKEN]
How DARE you!!
I am the director!
The lead actor!
The STAR!!!
Who are you to question my ART!?
You should be SILENCED for all eternity!!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
SIT BACK DOWN!
You're all ungrateful louts!
Now watch the plumber fall!
It's his final curtain call
I'm the GREATEST showman, without a doubt!
A thespian, so true!
An ACTOR, unlike YOU!!
Your performance, it was SUCH a bore!
I'll show you a REAL star!
Be with me, O great Bard!
Now see what Rubber Band has got in store!
Rubber bumpers dot the ring!
Hail the Origami King!
[TOADS, SUNG]
Mario's on the attack!
He'll teach you not to call us hacks!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
No talking, drinking, or smoking here!
You're only allowed to quake in fear!
[TOADS, SUNG]
You're breaking all the kingdom's laws
So Mario gets out applause!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG}
You call that acting?
WHAT A JOKE!
But I'm a hazard;
Now you'll choke!
HEY! Hands off the merchandise
OOH, this'll teach you to think twice!
I wrote the play, but I don't play nice
Make no mistake, you're on thin ice!
Here on my stage, you'll never win!
You have stretched my patience thin!
Now hear me croon in sweet iamb
You face the might of Rubber Band!
[TOADS, SUNG]
Go, Mario! You're the hero of the show!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
MY BANDS! MY BANDS!
I've been EXPOSED!
That's it! You'll pay for this, Mario!
[TOADS, SUNG]
Go, Mario! You will save us all, we know!
[RUBBER BAND, SUNG]
You've gone and ruined my production!
Now I'll show you TRUE destruction!

[RUBBER BAND, SPOKEN]
Ohhh! It wasn't supposed to end like this, Mario...
The AGONY! The BRUTALITY! The sheer injustice of it all!
O muses! O bard! Have you TRULY forsaken me for these flimsy, flat, PAPERY beings?
I wanted to make this place GRAND!
Eliminate things DULL and bland!
Alas, this was my final stand
It's curtains for poor Rubber--
[gasp]