Poop in My Fingernails

You know I wipe really hard
And my toilet paper's weak
Sometimes I break right through
And my fingernail is rubbing up against my poopy buttcheek
And I'm completely unaware
Of what's going on down there
Until I pull my finger out of my butt
And I stare at

Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Poop, poop, poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
When the toilet paper breaks
There's nothing left standing in between
Poop and your fingernails
And you're never truly gonna get it completely clean

Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Every time I try to clean it up, I fail
Never ever, ever, ever gonna win
Because the fecal matter's hiding deep down where the nail meets the skin
In my fingernails, poop in my fingernails
Tried a clipper, tried a brush
Scrub-a-dub, scrub-a-dub dub
But you're only gonna get so much

When the toilet paper breaks
There's nothing left standing in between
Poop and your fingernails
And you're never truly gonna get it completely clean

If you want the cleanliness
Of your fingernails to improve
Go down to the nail salon
And ask them if they'll remove
Every one of your fingernails
I know, I know, it might seem extreme
But I'm telling you that's the only way that
They're ever gonna be completely clean