Monkeys Are Bad People (2001)

Son: Hey, Daddy!

Father: Ha ha, yes son?

Son: I'm hungry

Father: Well, what would you like to eat, son?

Son: Can I have a banana?

Father: A what?

Son: Um, a banana

Father: We don't have any bananas, son

Son: Why not, daddy?

Father: Why not? Well, because bananas are monkey food, and I don't think we need any disgusting, yellow, smushy monkey food in our well lit, sanitized, and bacteria-free home, son, that's why not

Son: Everything always comes down to monkeys with you, daddy

Father: So why the sudden interest in bananas, son? You, you have a monkey in your backpack, don't you?

Son: Um...

Father: You found a monkey, and you've been keeping him fed on monkey food, haven't you?

Son: No, I don't have a monkey in my backpack

Father: Son, need I remind you of the monkey song?

Son: Oh, god!

Father: Come here, son. Have a seat here at the piano with me

Son: Daddy, I know the monkey song, you-you-you don't need to--. Daddy, please, not the monkey song. I've heard this song so many times

Father: Son, I'm teaching you a lesson here, a lesson about monkeys

Son: You're insane

Father:
Monkeys can't be trusted with your business
They're sneaky and dishonest through and through
Monkeys can't speak English, so they can't tell the truth
Monkeys are bad people, and so are you

Son: Daddy, I'm not a bad person

Father: Keep eating bananas like that, you will be soon

Son: Why can't I have a normal dad, like all the other kids?

Father:
Add a k to money, you get the word monkey. M-o-n-K-e-y
Monkey may see, but monkey don't pay his due. No he don't
The love of evolution has its evil, evil roots
Monkeys are bad people, and so are you

Son: I don't understand what I did to deserve this

Father: This is for your own good, son

Son: That's what you said about the perm you gave me!

Father:
King Kong was a monkey too big to be kept in a zoo
Which is not a bad thing, 'cause he liked to fling
Thousand pound fistfuls of stinky ol' King Kong poo

Son: That's really gross, daddy

Father: Why don't you come on over here and take a solo, son?

Son: I don't think so

Father: You want your allowance, don't you?

Ooh, that wasn't so good son

Son: Move over. Move over!

Father: I've got lots of room here. You're shoving. You're...

Son: I'm not shoving!

Father: You're not doing what you're supp... what are you...

Son: I'm doing what...

Father: Are you done yet, son? Move over

Son: Ah, that was pretty good

Father: Hey, look out

Son: AAH!

Father:
Think about the future
What if Charlton Heston was right?
If the monkeys take over, we'll be their slaves
And frankly, the thought keeps me wide awake at night

Why don't you just let the little monkey out of your backpack so he
Can scamper away?

Son: I said I don't have a monkey, dad!

Father:
Monkeys make amore out in public
Providing little children with a view
(INNOCENT LITTLE CHILDREN!)
They're lewd and they're indecent
And there's nothing we can do
Monkeys are bad people, monkeys are bad people
Monkeys are bad people and so are you!

Son, you see why you can't keep the monkey?

Son: There's no monkey in my backpack, see? Look! I don't have a monkey, no monkey!

Father: There's no monkey in your backpack!

Son: I TOLD... I told you I don't have a monkey in there

Father: Well, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, eh son?

Son: I'm gonna go feed the tiger

Father: Have fun. Alright, hehe