A Word From Farkle

How many times has this happened to you?

[Various Noises]

Well that's great! Because from the creators of
"I Can't Believe It's Snot!" and "George Forehead's Lean Meat Patty Grilling Exploding Toaster" Present:

FARKLE!

It's New! Classic! Original! Improved! Sanitized for your protection!
You've never seen anyone like it! Call Now!
Uh, never mind, we'll call you!

[Dialing noises]

"Hello?"
Tired of those annoying phone calls?
"What the-"
[Narrator hangs up]

Farkle!
Sweaty palms? Nausea?? Farkle!
And remember, nothing says "love" like the gift of Farkle. Just listen!

"LLLOOOOVVEE!"

Farkle is guaranteed to provide the most Farkle for your dollar, hands down! Excuse me, sir, I said "Hands Down."
"But I have a question!"
And, what is that?
"I love Farkle?"
The answer is Yes! Yes you do!
And here's some other folks who dig that crazy, cuckoo, Farkle. ᴬˡˡ ᵖᵒˢᶦᵗᶦᵛᵉ ᵗᵉˢᵗᶦᵐᵒⁿʸ ʰᵃˢ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᶠᵃᵇʳᶦᶜᵃᵗᵉᵈ

"The first time I bought Farkle was back in aught 6! Buried it out in the backyard. Haven't seen it since."

"I have four pounds of Farkle in my mouth right now!"

"Divorce, eviction, custody disputes, bankruptcy proceedings, fraud and embezzlement trial and uh, cough syrup dependency. Yeah, Farkle has vastly improved the quality of my life."

"I like to set my Farkle at 55, and I chose the Stainless Steel Tea cozy!"
"And I'm most comfortable at 72, and I chose the Solar Powered reading light!"
[Together]
"This way we get both a good nights sleep and we wake up rested and without any lower back pain or the need to think for ourselves!
Ha-ha-ha! Huh? Ohhh! Huh? HMMM!!!"

And now let's go to our Leprechaun on the Street! John-John?

"I'm John-John the Leprechaun! Top of the mornin' to ye and yer kin! Oi, when it comes to Farkle, we-"
[Various noises]
"Ah, me wee little hat!"

And if you call now, we'll also include this one of a kind Queen of England! ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗᵉ ʷᶦᵗʰ ˡᶦᵗᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵒˣ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᶜʳᵃᵗᶜʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵖᵒˢᵗ
Don't forget to fail to miss the chance to pass up this amazing deal!

FARKLE!
Yeah!

[Gremlin noises]
Well, you hear that sound?
That means it's time to turn the album over, and listen to the other side! Ha ha!
See you on side two, little buckaroos!
Myself I'm gonna wander over to the waterin' hole! Get me some water...

[Cassette tape switching sides]