Jason’s Bar Mitzvah

[JASON]
Whizzer, hey!
Suddenly it all came clear:
I said, let's have my bar mitzvah here!

[MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, JASON, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA]
Surprise!

[MARVIN]
This was Jason's brilliant idea!
And I brought the prayer shawl

[MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, JASON, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA]
Ooo
It's Jason's bar mitzvah!

[MENDEL]
Don't you move
Everything will soon be great
Close your eyes
While we redecorate

[CORDELIA]
I'll unwrap the billion hors d'oeuvres
And someone, please, eat them

[TRINA]
Photo

[ALL]
Ooo
It's Jason's bar mitzvah!

[TRINA]
Lovely, flowers make things lovely
Champagne makes things lovely, too
Everything's amiss

[MENDEL]
Drink up!
Anyone for bubbly?

[TRINA]
Probably, it's doubly useful at a time like this
Cheers

[MENDEL & WHIZZER]
Cheers

[TRINA]
And aren't things lovely?
I feel more helpless than I have in years

[MARVIN]
Try this on
Mendel, get this thing in gear

[WHIZZER]
Please excuse me if I interfere
But I feel that, since I'm the host
It's me who should toast him

[MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA]
Ooo, ooo

[WHIZZER]
To Jason's bar mitzvah!

[The men depart to help Jason get ready]

[CHARLOTTE]
I notified the nurses
Told them please to not intrude

[CORDELIA]
I passed around the food
Then dumped some extra food
'Cause, Lord knows, we've got plenty

[CHARLOTTE]
She's cooked for some 200 guests

[CORDELIA]
We number not that many
Actually... we're seven

[CHARLOTTE]
Maybe it's not dumb
The way this whole thing ends
The food tastes really yummy

[CORDELIA]
Oh, mummy

[TRINA]
Lovely

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
The flowers seem to sparkle
The candelabra sets the tone

[TRINA]
I must make things

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
The wine is very soothing

[TRINA]
Lovely

[CHARLOTTE and CORDELIA]
Soothes the "something, something"
Someone needed soothing

[TRINA]
Put everything

[CHARLOTTE]
I think, perhaps, I'm overdressed

[TRINA]
In its place

[CORDELIA]
I think, perhaps, it doesn't matter

[TRINA]
Ready for the

[CORDELIA]
That you are

[TRINA]
Band

[CHARLOTTE &CORDELIA]
Here we are
Jason's bar mitzvah looks
Like the books say it should

[TRINA, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Cheers

[TRINA]
And aren't things lovely?

[CHARLOTTE &CORDELIA]
Everything is lovely

[TRINA, CHARLOTTE &CORDELIA]
I feel more helpless than I have in years

[Whizzer and Mendel enter, followed by Marvin and Jason]

[MENDEL & WHIZZER]
Here he comes

[MENDEL]
Fix his tie
Trina, try
To make him smile more

[WHIZZER, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Don't know why
But he looks like Marvin

[MARVIN]
How did you turn out so great?
Who do I thank for the man you've turned into?
Kid, do you know
How proud I am?
If I don't show
How proud I am...
You hold my dreams
Kid, I burst at the seams
'Cause of you

[MENDEL]
Son of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob
Son of Marvin, Son of Trina, Son of Whizzer, Son of Mendel

[MARVIN, WHIZZER, TRINA, JASON, CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA]
And godchild to the lesbians from next door

[MENDEL]
Sing
Oh, sing
Oh, sing

[JASON]
Vie-eme-low yea-o-leh
Heh-oh-non vi-low
Ah-yis-is-ooh ay-ysi-ro-ale
Ha-ooh low toe vo-o-meem aboh